lost my dad and grandpa.!!

Discussion in 'Loved and Lost' started by Gi-Jane, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member

    ok i rather as well tell a bit about my life......
    im not suicidal because of it ..and not well depressed.....it makes me feel sad sometimes and makes me feel unwanted....but for some reason it makes me feel also a bit stronger.....
    when i was 5 years old my mom and dad divorced.....from that time on..i was like a pping pong ball....live with my dad then my mom wanted me back so i went there again then i made her sick and she gave me 2 dad again ..and so on and on...well my mom had a new boyfriend and well i also had a little sister
    and she called the new boyfriend dad..but i didnt and he didnt like it so he made me feel unwanted at my moms place..so i went back to my dad......and then back to my mom again at age 12.........then the guy who mom my married again left her so from that time on she started to date so then she would have that guy and then another.....when i was 16 years old the guy she was with at that time hurt me so bad....he was drinking allot and i had some weed in my pocket and someone called my mom to tell her so when i got back home i had to stay home ..then a friend of mine came and he send her away so i was like yeah right u do.....so i went aftewr her ..and he came after me ..crab me by my hair and pulled me back home and calling me name like junky etc...so when we were in i called him names to and he hit me...well everything went black and i was so angry i got up and hes son and my mom were holding me i wanted to kill him...so they said ..go and have a walk..and come back later..so i did......when i was back i said to my mom ...u can make a choice..its either him out or me...and she said......u go......and i was like omg this sint happening ot me..so i went to a friends..lived there for a couple of years and then she was contacting me..she was very sorry and bla bla..so as good hearted i am......i forgave her.....then my sister started .......she had to go to bording school and run away there so we had to search for her..then we could find het in a hospital tryed to kill herself with some pills...this went on for a couple of years.....and then all of a sudden my dad killed himself out of nowhere....he was my best friend..said in his letter he would miss me but i was better of without him.....and i would get through life without him ... i was old enough (21 at that time) had a nice boyfriend who would be there for me......i was lost ...i was like yeah right ..why not go through everything a human can go through......when that happend my grandpa was very sick.......he said im ending my life ..i ask the doctor to help me with it before i get so sick i wouldnt even know im a life....that happend 6 months later...so i was a wreck.......i didnt see the bright side of life anymore asking myself why is this happening to me...i felt sorry for myself....till my boyfriend said ..come on sweety..im here 2 i love u and im not going anywhere.....that brought me back a bit....my whole life i had to go through all the stuff alone there was nobody who would listen to me ....... then the ood news came i was pregnant...but my bf and me just bought a house and i didnt have enough bedrooms..so we had to move.....
    conclusion...we had a dept because we couldnt sell the house for the price we bought it......now im a bit good sometimes i can scream sometimes im like why why ........but then i look at my kids and am glad i got something to hang on 2....i love them very much but also sometimes im like o god pls go.....now my life is pretty good only its still one problem is solved and the other one is there again..will it ever leave me alone???? this is just the short version of what happend dont wanna bored u all with the long one...but sometimes i just dont know what 2 do ..and then i start yelling and trowing stuff ..and cry ..and think about my dad that i need him.....how can i make it a bit better......?
     
  2. :hug: Gi-Jane
     
  3. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member

    thnx right back at ya :hug:
     
  4. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    - *joins the hugs*
    woo.. you are like an inspiration for me i wish i could be as strong as you are-
    well i suck giving advices.. but if you feel like yelling and trowing stuffs.. you should just a bit-- take everything you have inside just once.. and that might make you a lil better.. you know liberate everything you have inside for a bit-
    remember you have to keep stronger for the sake of your kids
    you could always..start to write as a hobby or smth, go to the church.. it always help a bit, i really dunno i wish i could come with a better advice to help you..
    its always hard.. the pain will be always there.. but looking forward is always the best you can do..
     
  5. 2LOST2

    2LOST2 Well-Known Member

    have you tried therapy?

    When my father did I was lookign for help in all the sites and books i could have find abt suicde. I have found my own way of self helling plus i had what you got there now- a support from loving ppl. =) Eventually I didnt actually had to use help of a professional, but not everyone are able to free themselves from that pain on their own.