My situation will only make sense if i start from the beginning. Last year my girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly really close to my 25th birthday... i was devastated, very miserable, very suicidal even though i knew i wouldnt do it.. I stayed a couple nights in a hospital over it, and even got therapy over it... Over the next several months i came into terms with everything realising that i was gonna be ok, reassured that I had a great job (I did computer support for a local hospital) and that i had so many great things in my life. Fast foward a year later, im at my job, and during lunch i pay for my food, and forgot to get a drink, so i got it, and the line was long and time was short. so like a idiot i skip line and eat, im ashamed to say that this happened a few times. Recently i was brought in to a meeting to discuss or rather be scolded by the HR boss, as to why i did this.... At first i denied it, like anyone would, and after a bit i just said that it was a stupid mistake. So at that moment I had to turn in my keys and leave. I was called in the next day and was forced to resign, or be terminated. I resigned and now am left unemployed... in my area its hard to find any job, let alone a good one. I know above everyone that what i did was wrong and more stupid than anything. I have been a wreck ever since it happened, I worked so hard to get that job, and now ive thrown it all away. So now what i struggled to get thru the prior year, im forced to re-enter the depression and miserable feelings that i had just escaped. Ive had people tell me things will be ok, and that i might even find a better job... but in the mind of someone like me, i dont believe it at all.... If it means anything I worked for them for 4 years, never had a bad mark on my record, and had never missed a day.... and they wouldnt even give me a chance over a few pepsi's.... so i guess u can imagine how horrible i feel for losing the last best thing i had for something so petty, that it was so pointless. Now I dont know what Im going to do, i feel like ending it all, like giving up... Im scared.. and i feel that i always ruin everything in my life...... Im at that familiar place called the edge again.. and not as many reasons to step back like i did before. Whats funny is that people say "I bet u wont do anything like that again".... the thing is i knew better before.... and i hate myself for doing it.... I need help............ thank u at least for reading.