Lost my job, over a stupid mistake...need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by josh3684, Aug 19, 2010.

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  1. josh3684

    josh3684 Member

    My situation will only make sense if i start from the beginning. Last year my girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly really close to my 25th birthday... i was devastated, very miserable, very suicidal even though i knew i wouldnt do it.. I stayed a couple nights in a hospital over it, and even got therapy over it... Over the next several months i came into terms with everything realising that i was gonna be ok, reassured that I had a great job (I did computer support for a local hospital) and that i had so many great things in my life.
    Fast foward a year later, im at my job, and during lunch i pay for my food, and forgot to get a drink, so i got it, and the line was long and time was short. so like a idiot i skip line and eat, im ashamed to say that this happened a few times. Recently i was brought in to a meeting to discuss or rather be scolded by the HR boss, as to why i did this.... At first i denied it, like anyone would, and after a bit i just said that it was a stupid mistake. So at that moment I had to turn in my keys and leave. I was called in the next day and was forced to resign, or be terminated.
    I resigned and now am left unemployed... in my area its hard to find any job, let alone a good one. I know above everyone that what i did was wrong and more stupid than anything. I have been a wreck ever since it happened, I worked so hard to get that job, and now ive thrown it all away. So now what i struggled to get thru the prior year, im forced to re-enter the depression and miserable feelings that i had just escaped. Ive had people tell me things will be ok, and that i might even find a better job... but in the mind of someone like me, i dont believe it at all.... If it means anything I worked for them for 4 years, never had a bad mark on my record, and had never missed a day.... and they wouldnt even give me a chance over a few pepsi's.... so i guess u can imagine how horrible i feel for losing the last best thing i had for something so petty, that it was so pointless.
    Now I dont know what Im going to do, i feel like ending it all, like giving up... Im scared.. and i feel that i always ruin everything in my life...... Im at that familiar place called the edge again.. and not as many reasons to step back like i did before.

    Whats funny is that people say "I bet u wont do anything like that again".... the thing is i knew better before.... and i hate myself for doing it....

    I need help............ thank u at least for reading.
  2. Trillian

    Trillian Member

    I understand how that can happen when you are pressed for time. I am sorry that they didn't give you a chance to reimburse for the drinks.

    I was written up for being 'late' when I was in fact at my desk trying to get back into my computer to log in and the computer was frozen and I had to call IT.

    I hope things get better for you soon.
  3. NavyAirman

    NavyAirman Member

    So they fired you over a few Pepsi's? That is weak man, I'm sorry to hear it. You will find another job. Recession aside, if you utilize job seeking resources online, send out a couple applications to employers, and keep going, you will be hired somewhere else.

    Look at it this way, you held that job for four years. That gives you four years experience over the competition. With a suit, tie, and a little confidence, you will be employed. You keep telling yourself that you don't believe you will ever be hired again, but you know that isn't the truth.

    You have already been through so much already, you will make it past this. Believe in yourself.
  4. josh3684

    josh3684 Member

    omg... thank you guys for your comments.. i need all the advice i can get, ive been applying like crazy online, i havent had any luck yet... its easy to get discouraged when u try so hard and hear nothing.

    Thanks so much.... i dont have many people to talk to about it so i appreciate it more than u know!!
  5. NavyAirman

    NavyAirman Member

    Craigslist has come through for me before when I was in a pinch. Also, you can use the advanced features in Google, play around with it, and it will really surprise you! I'm hope I can help man!
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