Lost my job over a stupid mistake..... now I feel like ending everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by j2006, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. j2006

    j2006 Member

    My situation will only make sense if i start from the beginning. Last year my girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly really close to my 25th birthday... i was devastated, very miserable, very suicidal even though i knew i wouldnt do it.. I stayed a couple nights in a hospital over it, and even got therapy over it... Over the next several months i came into terms with everything realising that i was gonna be ok, reassured that I had a great job (I did computer support for a local hospital) and that i had so many great things in my life.
    Fast foward a year later, im at my job, and during lunch i pay for my food, and forgot to get a drink, so i got it, and the line was long and time was short. so like a idiot i skip line and eat, im ashamed to say that this happened a few times. Recently i was brought in to a meeting to discuss or rather be scolded by the HR boss, as to why i did this.... At first i denied it, like anyone would, and after a bit i just said that it was a stupid mistake. So at that moment I had to turn in my keys and leave. I was called in the next day and was forced to resign, or be terminated.
    I resigned and now am left unemployed... in my area its hard to find any job, let alone a good one. I know above everyone that what i did was wrong and more stupid than anything. I have been a wreck ever since it happened, I worked so hard to get that job, and now ive thrown it all away. So now what i struggled to get thru the prior year, im forced to re-enter the depression and miserable feelings that i had just escaped. Ive had people tell me things will be ok, and that i might even find a better job... but in the mind of someone like me, i dont believe it at all.... If it means anything I worked for them for 4 years, never had a bad mark on my record, and had never missed a day.... and they wouldnt even give me a chance over a few pepsi's.... so i guess u can imagine how horrible i feel for losing the last best thing i had for something so petty, that it was so pointless.
    Now I dont know what Im going to do, i feel like ending it all, like giving up... Im scared.. and i feel that i always ruin everything in my life...... Im at that familiar place called the edge again.. and not as many reasons to step back like i did before.

    Whats funny is that people say "I bet u wont do anything like that again".... the thing is i knew better before.... and i hate myself for doing it....

    I need help............ thank u at least for reading.
    ************************************************** *******
    I made this post a couple of months ago, im still looking for work... Im not having too much luck. I feel better than i did, but occasionally like now my mind wonders, and I feel like ive ruined my life with this mistake and now im not ever gonna be worth anything... i had all these (small) goals in life that has been crushed by this. I feel horrible. Im currently on 2 different anti deppressants. I dont want this to seem like im complaining, but i dont know what else to do, and i dont have anyone to talk to....to sum my thoughts up... and i know it sounds a bit extreme, and irrational... but i feel that i have ruined my life by this, or at least set myself back so much that I wont be able to make it out. I do feel like ending it all, the humiliation of all this. I just feel im done with everything.
  2. lifelover

    lifelover Well-Known Member

    I´m very sorry for situation.

    Get some time to recover. Clear your thoughts, define the future.

    I really envy you for having had a girlfriend and a job. Force yourself out of the hole and the next job will satisfy you more and the next girlfriend loves you like you never felt loved.
  3. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    Dont end your life over some mistake. Your still young and you can get a new job i should imagine you have immense skills on computers to work at a hospital computer support. I been in a shorter relationship which ended rather suddenly i know how you feel but at the moment i am seeing this guy and it does get better trust me.. Just you will never know whats round the corner in life if you dont live to find out. Just dont give up just yet people care for you and like you said things are getting slightly better so keep at it.
    :) x
  4. j2006

    j2006 Member

    thank you
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Josh. I remember when you posted that. Finding a good job in this economy is going to take some time, but I'm sure you'll find one eventually. Just keep going to those interviews and keep putting your best foot forward. I'm sure you have all sorts of skills that employers are looking for. You just have to convince them that you're the right man for the job. Don't end your life over losing your job, because after all, a job is just a means to earn some money. It doesn't define who we are as human beings. :hug:
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey just keep saturating the market with you resumes okay it will happen Can you get someone you worked with to write yu a letter of referance about your work and how well you did it. One mistake does not make a person. I hope soon you will find that next job a better one maybe take care
  7. j2006

    j2006 Member

    Thank you all so much.....

    I have been hurting over it for too long.... I feel selfish cause I know how other people have it so much worse than me. I just want things to work out, and I pray that they do.
    I am trying all that I know... It has taken a long time, I just hope something happens soon.

    Thank you
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