Lost my job.. over a stupid mistake...now i feel like losing my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by josh3684, Sep 10, 2010.

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  1. josh3684

    josh3684 Member

    My situation will only make sense if i start from the beginning. Last year my girlfriend of 4 years left me suddenly really close to my 25th birthday... i was devastated, very miserable, very suicidal even though i knew i wouldnt do it.. I stayed a couple nights in a hospital over it, and even got therapy over it... Over the next several months i came into terms with everything realising that i was gonna be ok, reassured that I had a great job (I did computer support for a local hospital) and that i had so many great things in my life.
    Fast foward a year later, im at my job, and during lunch i pay for my food, and forgot to get a drink, so i got it, and the line was long and time was short. so like a idiot i skip line and eat, im ashamed to say that this happened a few times. Recently i was brought in to a meeting to discuss or rather be scolded by the HR boss, as to why i did this.... At first i denied it, like anyone would, and after a bit i just said that it was a stupid mistake. So at that moment I had to turn in my keys and leave. I was called in the next day and was forced to resign, or be terminated.
    I resigned and now am left unemployed... in my area its hard to find any job, let alone a good one. I know above everyone that what i did was wrong and more stupid than anything. I have been a wreck ever since it happened, I worked so hard to get that job, and now ive thrown it all away. So now what i struggled to get thru the prior year, im forced to re-enter the depression and miserable feelings that i had just escaped. Ive had people tell me things will be ok, and that i might even find a better job... but in the mind of someone like me, i dont believe it at all.... If it means anything I worked for them for 4 years, never had a bad mark on my record, and had never missed a day.... and they wouldnt even give me a chance over a few pepsi's.... so i guess u can imagine how horrible i feel for losing the last best thing i had for something so petty, that it was so pointless.
    Now I dont know what Im going to do, i feel like ending it all, like giving up... Im scared.. and i feel that i always ruin everything in my life...... Im at that familiar place called the edge again.. and not as many reasons to step back like i did before.

    Whats funny is that people say "I bet u wont do anything like that again".... the thing is i knew better before.... and i hate myself for doing it....

    I need help............ thank u at least for reading.
    I made this post a couple of months ago, im still looking for work... Im not having too much luck. I feel better than i did, but occasionally like now my mind wonders, and I feel like ive ruined my life with this mistake and now im not ever gonna be worth anything... i had all these (small) goals in life that has been crushed by this. I feel horrible. Im currently on 2 different anti deppressants. I dont want this to seem like im complaining, but i dont know what else to do, and i dont have anyone to talk to....to sum my thoughts up... and i know it sounds a bit extreme, and irrational... but i feel that i have ruined my life by this, or at least set myself back so much that I wont be able to make it out. I do feel like ending it all, the humiliation of all this. I just feel im done with everything.
  2. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    Dude, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I was fired from my job because I was arrested in front of a store full of customers for a crime I didn't commit. To add injury to insult, I still haven't found a job a year later, and with a criminal record it's even harder to find one. I lost so many goals it's hard to remember I even had any. I went from chasing a degree in music to working day labor for a temp service. It sounds cliche for sure, but keep your head up. It could be much worse. For example, try getting a job as a felon. It's not easy.

    I'm seriously not trying to be insensitive. Pain is pain, and pain is real and hurts no matter the cause or reasons behind it. I'm just trying to say it's not as bad as it seems, and that there are some people out there with a deck stacked against them higher than we could imagine. PM me if you need an ear
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm sorry that you lost your job over cutting in line during lunch. But you shouldn't have accepted being terminated or resigning. They can't legally fire you over shit like that. You should have went to the worker's compensation board and had them investigate or sued your boss for wrongful dissmissal. Also, sorry to hear that your girlfriend broke up with you.

    I hope that you'll find a good job and good girl eventually. Don't give up man. :hug:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i say you should have gotten union to help you with being dismissed and all. Ithink in the computer field there is alot of needs right now and hope you could find one soon. I know dumb line up piss me off at work too taking 1/2 break up just waiting to get coffee or pepsi so i can understand your frustration. Another hospital another location find someone at your work who knows you and your excellent work habits to give you a good recommendation okay and move forward take care
  5. josh3684

    josh3684 Member

    thanks for your kind words.... i know its behind me now, but like any hard thing its hard to let go. I really hope i bounce back soon.
  6. Marky

    Marky Member

    Josh - what has happened to you sounds terrible. And more about bad Management than anything else. Sounds like were dealt with very badly - instead of being given a chance to make amends for what you did, you were fired. You are obviously very regretful about what happened. Sometimes the meaning of things can be hard to see, but I'm sure you will bounce back.
  7. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Fired for cutting in line to get a drink? That doesn't make sense. It would be cheaper for the company to make you make amends than hire somebody else and retrain them all over again. They sound like a bunch of assholes anyway.

  8. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    You have survived the worse, and anything that comes after will be easier. It seems devastating now what you have been through, but in a couple years it will not hurt so much, and in ten years it may not matter that much at all. As long as you are in the game, a job will come along soon. Meanwhile, take care of your health.:hugtackles:
  9. adamO

    adamO New Member

    I know how you feel, I lost my job nearly 2 years ago and still can't find one......plus I was lied to and betrayed by a girl who said she loved me.

    I'm not giving up yet......although I have thought about it at times.
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