Lost My Purpose

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bustedwings, Jun 21, 2010.

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  1. bustedwings

    bustedwings New Member

    Back in March I lost my purpose to life. I had a job that I loved and I took care of people. Some people didn’t like me because of my job, but I did such a good job using my heart to take care of people that the ones that knew me liked me for what I did for them.

    I found out some other co-workers were not doing the right thing and was doing bad stuff. When they found out I knew they came up with a plan and made up a story. The story caused me to be let go from my job. No one would believe me now what bad I found out was going on at work. That’s why they made up to story to get rig of me. They are just getting away with it and I cann’t do anything about it. My crediabliity went down in town because their made up story was believed by almost everyone around here.

    I miss what I used to do because I had a purpose. The purpose was to help others the best that I could and protect them from harm. But I cann’t help them anymore so what’s the point of getting up everyday. Every night I go to sleep and dream that I’m still doing the job and helping others. When I wake up my heart hurts because I won’t ever be able to be there for anyone ever again.

    I have tried and can not get another job. I defiantly won’t be able to get a job that I love anymore.

    I don’t have anything else in life. I have a few friends, but they are all too busy right now because they are married and have no time. They say I’m such a great guy and I’m good taking care of their kids and I would be a great dad someday, but I know that will never happen because no one will even like me enough like that to be anything more than a simple friend.

    I wish they would have just killed me instead of just making up a story so I wouldn’t be believed if I told what I knew was going on. It would have been easier.

    When the savings account runs out I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I already feel empty and useless so I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be around.

    If I can’t take care of people anymore than I have nothing. I might as well not wake up anymore. I guess I needed to get this out. I don’t know what to do.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Is it possible to move and do the same type of work somewhere else? I know how you feel sort of because I love what I do and it would kill me not to be able to do it.
    You mentioned some savings, perhaps you could use that to move to another town and restart the work you were doing there? The world needs more people like you whose heartfelt wish is to care for others so please don't go ...you are needed even though it FEELS like you are not right now.
    I am here if you need to talk,
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am sorry, that you were sabatoged by your co-workers. Funny how we grow up and expect everyone to act grown up and mature.

    What was your field exactly? There are a lot of fields out there where you can help people.
  4. fannin

    fannin Member

    It's a complete shock. I just lost my purpose in life - a job I'd held 29 years...and only foresee a lonely and unproductive future.

    After weeks of laying in bed half-days and not showering, I made specific suicide plans...time, place and method. I did find that writing about the anxiety helps. I hope it helps you just a little.

    Have you considered moving to another town and looking for work? Big move, I know. I realize that takes you out of your "comfort zone" but it also might mean the landmarks around you now and the people you see won't be reminders of what you once had. That's what I can't overcome.

    Take care and let me know if you want to talk.
  5. despairguy

    despairguy Active Member

    Well, certainly u r in a way different situation than me. At least u still have options even if u don't see them.

    If I were u, I'd remain calm and ironically happy, u know why?... if those bastards at work made up a story to get rid of u is because they were envious of u doing an excellent job. Just think about it, u were great at ur job and from what I can read u really have a vocation ar helping ppl and u actually enjoy doing that. Then don't give up!

    Now I understand that they made the rest of the ppl believe that made-up story, but hey! nothing's lost yet! If what they say about u is a complete lie, then y do u bother in believing them, if u know u were doing things right then there's nothing to be afraid of, right?

    If ppl out there don't believe u, then u'll know how superficial and immature they are, the best ppl always ask to the direct source to know both sides of a story. But, if there's no way in the world u can convince them all was a fake story, then u'll have to move on by ur own looking for options. Your conscience is clean, so u shouldn't think negatively, u were doing the right thing man.

    Maybe u should try to find the same job at another institution in ur city, maybe find a similar job in which u can also help ppl, or even more drastical: move to another city and start over (only if u have the money and resources to do that). And finally but no less important, if u really know u didn't do anything wrong, go face those bastards! Keep in mind that the truth has always solid arguments, solid facts that will back u up. Lies instead, they can be supported by fake facts as well, but they are not solid and eventually the whole lie will crash down by itself... I'm not saying it'll be easy but in the end justice always prevails.

    Hope that helps man!
    take care!
  6. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hey bustedwings,

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how horrible this whole mess must be for you.

    Where do you live? If you are in the UK there are agencies and standards people you can call to report the abuse you discovered. I work in the care sector in England and we have quite a few safeguarding systems in place that are totally independent of the company I work for.

    As suggested, maybe you could try a different job but still in the care sector? Or maybe get a completely different job to pay the bills but do volunteer work? Moving would be a huge step, but if it's for the right job lots of people do it.

    I hope you regain some sense of purpose; I know how important that is.

  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Do you work with seniors/other people who can "testify" on your behalf?
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