Lost my soulmate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Snurp, Jan 28, 2013.

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  1. Snurp

    Snurp New Member

    I recently lost my soulmate and it was my fault. A year ago my Ex and mother of my daughter broke up with me because we fought too much, we were together for five years, she was right too and I fought to get her back for months before realizing she wasnt worth it or my forgiveness for cheating repeatedly, since I rarely got to see my daughter and ended up in a deep depression. Just when I though all hope was over I met my soulmate, I didnt fall in love with her at first but she did me, she had two girls one was the same age and surprisingly resembled my daughter. I grew too love them as my own, even after I lost my job she would work an d I would babysit bringing us all closer together, I didnt tell her that I was very depressed after losing my job and when I wasnt babysitting and she was working I would chat online out of boredom and depression, not because I didnt love her because I did with all my heart. I cashed in my 401k and mutual fund to cover all my debts and pay bills since she only worked part time. As her work grew in to full time I chatted more and fell deeper in to depression as I was still not able to find work and support my new family. After five months she discovered the chats and left me, right now before the end of the month, I am broke and still jobless and she said she would pay for bills this month, I am now about to be homeless since she left I dont blame her and know I deserve it. I have tried talking to her but she wont give second chances since her ex husband hurt her, I do understand but in that short time I have loved her more than I have anyone, especially her girls. My heart has just suffered too much loss in the past year for me to go on, I feel like I will never see my daughter again due too her being In Canada and now my other daughters and soulmate. I havent ate in a week, I hardly sleep, my body and soul have just given up, she says im a great guy and appreciates all I have done for her and her kids but that just gives me a shred of hope for a new beginning, Im at the end and about to give up, life without her or kids (even mine which is causing just as much pain) just aint worth it, why live an entire life of pain when you know you will never love or be happy again. This was the best life could get and I fucked it up.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas, welcome. I have just approved your post, when an admin comes on they will approve your account :) Not really sure what to say except we all make mistakes from time to time, surely she can see that? Can you apply (I don't know how it works where you are) but in some way so you can see your daughter again?
  3. Queenfan

    Queenfan Guest

    The good points are, you recognise it was your fault. It may be too soon
    But in time if your soul mate realises your admitting it, she might see you are trying to
    If I was in your shoes. I'd write yourself a letter from your soul mates point of view
    And look at further ways to improve your chances.
    It may sound silly, but you will be surprised at what you find out.
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