Lost my will

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadgal25, Jan 3, 2010.

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  1. sadgal25

    sadgal25 New Member

    I am thinking that dying might not be such a bad idea. So heres why. I am a worthless peice of shit. Im going through a divorce/custody battle, I cant seem to find a job, and now I have my next door neighbors making FALSE accusations against me. saying that there is prostitution going on at my house and that they see several cars parking at my house at all hours of the night. It is so not true at all. I dont even have enough self esteem to do something like that, hell I dont even want to go outside to get the mail because I dont want anyone to see me. I dont understand why these people are saying stuff like that. i just moved here in september, I keep to myself, I dont talk to anyone, one of my neighbors even asked if i was a hermit. Well yes I am because I cant trust anyone! I cant win for shit, I mind my own business, people fuck with me, I get involved people fuck with me...I feel so damn alone. I cant seek help from a doctor because if I do my daughter who I have custody of right now will get taken because they will see me as an unfit mom. So here I am just sitting here letting these thoughts rot my brain. I am a failure at everythin, even suicide, ive attempted numerous times and I still fucken survived. I didnt even tell anyone I was going to do so...I just suck at trying to kill myself. I suck at living and I suck at dying...so now what?????
  2. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    You're not a worthless piece of shit. What you're dealing with is a hard life and a very hard time in it. It's OK to be a hermit, and what your neighbors are doing to you is not your fault - it's theirs. Divorce and custody battles are horrible and nobody can find a job right now. I don't think that getting help means you will lose custody of your daughter - do you have a lawyer you can talk to about that?
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    The first thing I see that you need to do is take care of yourself, which means getting help. Taking the responsibility to have a counselor can not only be supportive and a reality check - but can be helpful in a custody battle.

    If you kill yourself, then you still can't take care of your daughter. That is your privilege and responsibility. Focus on the blessing you have in her and what you can do to be the best mom you can be. Killing yourself not only would deprive the world of a caring person - you - but might traumatize your daughter to the point that she would feel the same later in life. She needs you to live whether or not you get full custody.

    It is no crime to be an introvert or hermit or anything else they wish to throw at you... It hurts horribly to go thru divorce and custody battles... Having people lie about you only confirms the feeling that people can't be trusted. The thing you need to learn is how to trust yourself and then you will be better able to know who you can and cannot trust.

    There are trustable people in this world - some you can trust with a little - some with a lot... It all starts with valuing yourself enough to get the help you need. Take care of yourself through this tough time - you aren't worthless - just in a tough spot.
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