lost soul and wrong gender

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Shi, May 11, 2008.

  1. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    I must say... what I still hate most in my life, is the moment when egg cell and sperm molted into each other and created a girl.That is me.

    Well there are so many things I hate in my life, but I just cannot cope with being a girl. As long as I can remeber, I wanted to be a boy. Most people would say that this is not a problem at all. My parents even think its an illusion. I am no teenager anymore, and its not just a mood.

    There are moments in my life where I wanted to commit suicide because of this. I still keep on thinking, whether or not I should do it. To change my gender...I guess it would not work out very well. There so many psychological things going on in my brain, that would make it impossible.

    But living an existance in a body you hate...I stand in the middle and belong to nowhere.
     
  2. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    i know that, in the UK at least (other countries probably differ), you have to have several years of therapy before you can actually have a sex change, that way you and your doctors are absolutely sure it's what you want and are prepared for what will happen. it does take a long time, which seems quite annoying, but it sounds like you could benefit from something like it
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Like bunny said it is a long process but hun if it is something you really want then go for it. Take the first step by talking to your doctor and take it from there. It may be a long hard road but when you realize the end result you'll be so happy you took that path. Good luck.
     
  4. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    I totally agree. One reason it is a long process is in part to adjust for the change slowly and make sure it is what you really do want. You can't go through life wishing something were changed without making at least something happen to make the change. Go for it!!
     
  5. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Can I ask how old you are? Not meaning to be patronising but I have felt very similar to you and I've found that the older you are the more you learn to except yourself for who you are. At the moment I'm resonably comfortable being in the middle, and I honestly don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks of that. I guess the best thing I've found is to sort most of the other issues in life out first (a lot easier said than done but it does help) then you can make a better descion about exactly who you are and what you want. If you do decide that you want to go the whole way to becoming physically male it starts with a least 2 years of therapy and takes around another 6 years to have all the hormones and surgery (though you will have to be on homones for the rest of your life). This is what happens in the uk, other countries are faster because they don't require so much therapy beforehand. If you make enough noise though the nhs are very good. Don't limit yourself to being just female or male though, you can be whoever you want to be. It's a long road but you're not alone. Hope this helps a bit.
     
  6. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    Thanks for all the replies.

    I am 21 and as I said, it's not just a mood. I wanted to be a boy all my life long. Maybe I should blame partly my father for this. He always wanted a boy, and what came was a girl. He is east asian. Arround the time when my mother gave birth to me, it was still a shame to have a girl as the first born. He always let me feel that I was a only a girl. A second class citizen, not equal to a boy.

    My mother on the other side always wanted a girl. She does not understand a bit why I would feel like this. Most ppl dont understand. I am not ugly at all and look feminin.

    I am alreay having a therapy and subject Nr. 1 is that I cannot accept beeing a girl. The psychologist thinks that that is nothing important.

    @Malcontent

    I understand what you mean, but beeing just whoever I want does not really work out. Being physically 100% a woman and behaving like a man..leads to massiv complications, that make life even harder.