lost soul

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Melissa72, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Melissa72

    Melissa72 New Member

    A lonely start in life has led to a descructive and lonely path. An abuse victim so desperate for love means a self descructive button is permently on. Life has dealt a terrible hand and it's led me to believe I was put on this earth simply to be an abuse victim. Giving my heart and soul as well as material belongings has left such a hole in my heart.
    When mum passed away eight years ago I was so consumed with hate. I always wanted an apology from her before she passed. This past eight years my Faith hasleft me. My heart is empty. My family, albeit step father, and their three children turned their back as soon as she was gone. My children have now left home. Im jobless, no money, homeless. I receive no help. I have noone to talk to. I hate waking. I wish I could close my eyes and sleep forever.
    I give my all including my Heart. Hope has gone. Exhausted from crying all the time. When will help be at my hand???
     
  2. Hey, I don't really know when will help be at your hand but I wanted to just suggest that maybe u should talk to your children about how u feel? I'm not a parent so I don't know how it feels but I know my mum has some problems and she is hiding them from me. Every day I fear I'll loose her because I wasn't good enough for her to talk to me so I could help her. I don't think your children would feel any different if something would happen to u or if they would know what's bothering u. In the end u r a family, they love u and they'll do whatever is needed to help u. I hope this helps. Take care
     
    Melissa72 likes this.
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Melissa, welcome to the forum, I know you'll find comfort here, please keep posting. I can relate to you in many ways, though I'm not a mother. I had a violent upbringing and for years, I wanted my parents to just admit that they did the things they did. They refused. The closest I got was an email from my father saying "Sorry for the hurts, but you can't change the past." Nothing else. I gave up on them, you can't make someone do something and I suspect if your mother was still alive now, she might not apologize anyway. I hope I'm not offending you when I say this, abusers will likely never take responsibility for their actions because somewhere inside they have already justified it. The only thing that helped me was to forgive them. And let's not confuse forgiving with letting them get away with it and forgetting it. Forgiveness is ONLY about you, not the other person. When you are able to forgive, you are releasing the anger and hatred, and not allowing the bad memories to hurt you anymore. It's not an easy thing to do because when we are unjustly treated, our instinct is to hold on to the hurt. I hope that you can find a way to forgive. Part of my forgiveness was to disown the family and never see/hear/speak to them ever again. It was the only way I could move on. Is there any kind of assistance you can get, a social worker, doctor, anyone you can talk to? I don't have anyone to talk to about these things, but I am different from most, and prefer to always do things on my own. I hope you feel better. xx
     
  4. Melissa72

    Melissa72 New Member

    Thank you. I have spoken to my Daughter. I just dont want to burden them both as they are leading their own lives. Today is a better get myself better day xx
     
  5. Melissa72

    Melissa72 New Member

    Dont wish to go to the Doctors as all they do is prescribe pills. I have disowned all my family. Its just me, my two children and two Grandchildren. Today i feel life is life. Cant change the Past. Money is only money so no point in worrying about that. Women seem hardy :) xxx
     
    Frances M likes this.
  6. That's good I'm glad! Take care
     
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Nice! :) We call GP doctors "dispatchers" around here. They whip out the prescription pad or the specialist referral sheet, it's like they do nothing anymore but refer and prescribe. I see how you wouldn't want to go. It's true that you can't change the past and money is only money...but it's nice to have some ;)