Lost soul

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Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#1
I never did this before and I’m usually not a big fan of talking about my problems as i experienced when I was younger that nobody would listen or care for me anyways.

Last year I found out that somebody I lost contact with but still always was very special for me took his own life. I was in disbelief that he did it before I had the chance to do so, I was kind of jealous that he had already succeeded and is in a better place now.
I hired a medium to talk to him because I wanted to talk to him so badly about things left unspoken. The medium knew some details which nobody else could know so it helped a little bit, knowing he’s fine now.

Since knowing the only person I’ve ever really connected with and who truly understoood me is gone forever and that I can never ever talk to him again makes my life even more lonely than it already was. I’m a loner and only have one single friend which I meet from time to time.

I was feeling lost last year and I was happy to leave 2017 behind me, which seemed one of the worst years for me ever. I lost my job, somebody played me really badly and broke my heart (again, how often can a heart be broken until it finally stops beating).

I met somebody at the beginning of January
I’m in Europe (Austria) and he was from the USA. We hit it off pretty well and I thought there’s finally somebody who cares for me and really wants me in my life. We ended up taking vacation and I bought a ticket to come and see him. We had some misunderstandings from time to time but truly seemed pretty good.
One day out of no reason he stopped answering me. I panicked because of my anxiety that everything I’ve ever loved died, I messaged him, called him, emailed him, pleaded him to just tell me it’s over so I can stop worrying that something happend to him.
Nothing for two days. I had a breakdown and just cried and cried... I saw him online on WhatsApp and tried to video call him, it said he’s video calling with somebody else right now.

He ignored all of my messsges even I know he did see them.
He emailed me his phone was broke (after two days) and that he loves me.

I blocked him and never talked to him again.

I just don’t get it, people tend to say I’m a intelligent person, maybe I’m naive, maybe I have a too big heart and maybe I just wanted to think that after 32 years of being succsessless in everything I’ve ever did, specially with choosing my partners, that I finally arrived somewhere.

I hardly connect with people. He was the second person in my life I did.

I feel like I’m never going to find somebody who loves me for me, not my looks, but my soul.

I feel bad because there is so much suffering on this planet, so many ppl who are sick but want to live but die. Why can’t I die instead of them? And they l
 
#3
I was with a woman for 3 years of my life and she just decided to fuck my brother and show it to me. It wasn't my brithersb fault. She did it out of hatred and anger towards me for no reason so I know how it feels to have your heart crushed by someone....I'm sorry...
 
#4
I believe you have the same problem as I when it comes to relationships... I often put myself behind someone else and prioritize them over myself.
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#5
I was with a woman for 3 years of my life and she just decided to fuck my brother and show it to me. It wasn't my brithersb fault. She did it out of hatred and anger towards me for no reason so I know how it feels to have your heart crushed by someone....I'm sorry...
Thank you so much for sharing, this means a lot to me!

I’m so sorry to hear about ur girlfriend

All I’m asking myself the past days is why? Why are people so f... up, why do people always play games, even you share you’re deepest fears with them, and they end up breaking your heart anyways.

What she did is the most horrible thing ever. I’m sorry for you and I kinda know how you feel as every boyfriend I ever had cheated on me.

If you want and need to talk I’m here too!
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#6
I believe you have the same problem as I when it comes to relationships... I often put myself behind someone else and prioritize them over myself.
I’m the same.. when I care for somebody he’s my number one and I do everything for this person, before I would do anything for myself.
Like I did know, spending all my extra money on this ticket, just for him to disappear. And it’s not even about the money, just the fact that people are such a...... (sorry)
 
#7
Thank you so much for sharing, this means a lot to me!

I’m so sorry to hear about ur girlfriend

All I’m asking myself the past days is why? Why are people so f... up, why do people always play games, even you share you’re deepest fears with them, and they end up breaking your heart anyways.

What she did is the most horrible thing ever. I’m sorry for you and I kinda know how you feel as every boyfriend I ever had cheated on me.

If you want and need to talk I’m here too!
As to you too. My problem no long is the relationships anymore. I'm happy with my girlfriend now. But I also am a very big hearted man if i I say so myself. I spent my entire relationship pretty much letting myself get stepped on to make her happy. But that's over. And I have a girl that truly 100% cares for me. And I'm certain you will find the guy to fit your needs as well. I know it 100%. My advice. Is to literally FORCE confidence in yourself. And try to lose the big heartedness until you know you can fully rely on said person. I'm glad to help anytime!
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#8
As to you too. My problem no long is the relationships anymore. I'm happy with my girlfriend now. But I also am a very big hearted man if i I say so myself. I spent my entire relationship pretty much letting myself get stepped on to make her happy. But that's over. And I have a girl that truly 100% cares for me. And I'm certain you will find the guy to fit your needs as well. I know it 100%. My advice. Is to literally FORCE confidence in yourself. And try to lose the big heartedness until you know you can fully rely on said person. I'm glad to help anytime!
I’m so happy to hear you found somebody who truly cares for you after what has happened to you.

For my part I don’t think so anymore
I tried being positive for 32 years, but I tend to be a magnet to people who only want to play me.
Somebody told me that the good will always attract the evil. And I guess that’s very right. I don’t plan to be around that much any longer, I’m truly done with my life. It’s the same over and over. Even I don’t really date at all since 4 years. But no matter whom I meet the ending is always the same.
I just don’t fit into this planet and it’s ok
I accepted it a long time ago

Thanks for your responses and positivity! I’m happy you are in a good place now
 
#9
I’m so happy to hear you found somebody who truly cares for you after what has happened to you.

For my part I don’t think so anymore
I tried being positive for 32 years, but I tend to be a magnet to people who only want to play me.
Somebody told me that the good will always attract the evil. And I guess that’s very right. I don’t plan to be around that much any longer, I’m truly done with my life. It’s the same over and over. Even I don’t really date at all since 4 years. But no matter whom I meet the ending is always the same.
I just don’t fit into this planet and it’s ok
I accepted it a long time ago

Thanks for your responses and positivity! I’m happy you are in a good place now
No.
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#11
Feeling the way I feel gets boring after a while, like my life always replays everything bad ever happened to me.
I guess it’s also my own fault
I love too much, I care too much and I give too much.
I just never learn out of my mistakes, I am who I am, I wish I wasn’t tho.
I’m sure there are people in all different ages here who feel the same
But if this feeling never goes away it’s not worth it
 
#12
Just because I have a partner doesn't mean I'm happy. I'm constantly depressed. Ive attempted suicide 5 different times. Night before last was the sixth. I've given up trying because there is literally NOTHING I can do. Because I'm failing everything around. A relationship comes around randomly or you can search on your own. I believe in you. YOU can't give up. I feel hope in you.
 
#13
I'm so so sorry... I can't believe how you must feel... But I get it. I understand you. But it's okay to be you because you are YOU there is nobody else quite like you. Uou are unique to everyone else, nobody can copy you. Maybe you're just searching in the wrong places.
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#14
I’m laying here crying and crying
Ur words truly mean so much to me
Ur 17 years old, I wished man in my age would just be half as deep and intelligent as you
A guy once told me he can’t deal with me, I’m to deep about my feelings, even that’s wrong about me, alright..

I tried killing myself 3 times and since then never again, I felt the same. I won’t succeed anyways. I was really young at my 3 attempts as well. I studied the savest way for the past years. I often thought I’m over feeling this way, but I think this feeling will just never go away.

Why did you try it the sixth time now, did anything happen?
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#15
So are you, unique! Very appreciate that you take ur time to write this things.
Why do you try it over and over? Tell me about your life if you feel like talking?
 
#16
Nothing has happened. Literally nothing. Nothing changes in my life, it's a viscous circle for me. Day in day out. Go to school, work through day, come home broke, watch step parents argue, block everyone out with music and games, go to sleep, restart.
 

Corpse bride

Well-Known Member
#19
Nothing has happened. Literally nothing. Nothing changes in my life, it's a viscous circle for me. Day in day out. Go to school, work through day, come home broke, watch step parents argue, block everyone out with music and games, go to sleep, restart.
I feel you, being in your age I also hated going to school and the same circle over and over.
I’m sorry to hear about your parents, I’m sure life will get better for you one day, you have to potential for it :)

I have the same day just with work but without arguing parents.
 
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