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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, Dec 8, 2013.

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  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    I feel so lost and alone.
    I feel like a bird singing the same song everyday.
    A dog taking a walk around a park at the same time every morning.
    I feel so lost and alone.

    I am cold on the inside
    useless and worthless
    I am crying out for help
    on here and in real life.

    I have told my parents I am going downhill.
    They don't seem to notice.
    I am terrified beyond belief.
    There is no help here.
    My psych is in China.
    No help here.

    Sf is my home, yet hurts
    I feel alone surrounded by others.
    I feel misunderstood, looked over.
    Because sometimes I cant jump into a conversation
    I get left out.

    I know all of this is my fault.
    I know that this is my sickness
    Yet what can I do?

    I can only cry out so much
    so often
    before these cries fall on deaf ears.
    as they do.

    I think of a song in my head
    hearing it over and over again

    "Lost and broken, hopeless and lonely​
    Smiling on the outside, and hurt beneath my skin​
    My eyes are fading, my soul is bleeding​
    I try to make it seem okay... but my faith is wearing thin."​

    I wish I had the help I need to get better, but I dont know what help this could be. The help I have gotten has not served me, I am the same as I have been. And always will be?
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I do hope that you will have the help you need to get better. FYI, I do not agree with you. I do not think it is your fault, as you said. It can be excruciating to be alone amonst people. to feel isolated amongst people. To want so badly to have comfort and people. Yet to be unheard and unseen. It can be the worst hurt of all. Because it is hurt added to the hurt. I remember a poem I wrote once when I was young. One line said " you hold out your hand. Its a pity you wear a glove". It felt to me that no one wanted to be contaminated by me. Very painful. Please do not give up. A sometimes very small part of me still hopes for a miracle.

    I do wish there was someplace you could also go irl and get some help. Be heard. Be seen for who you are. I think who you are is pretty darned good, fyi :hug:
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hi thorn


    i am sorry to hear you are so distressed and so very sad and alone. i agree with flowers though, this is not your fault... i have times that i find it painfully hard to reach out and ask for help as well ... its the nature of mental illness. i have been in chat at times too that i felt looked over and misunderstood... its why i sometimes leave for a bit and just stay on the forums or playing a game. i would hope you could always feel you could talk to me but i know that is not feasible to think that way... however, the offer remains extended... i just undertsand at times its hard to reach out, even to friends. i am sorry if i have ever made you feel looked over or ignored ... lately i'm having a lot of issues of my own and my focus really sucks, so i apologize if i have because i know its a possiblity, even a probability that i have in the recent past. You are not worthless or cheap... you are a very sweet person who I find to be pretty amazing. Do you have any kind of support groups you can get into nearby?
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I want to agree wwith what demuredawn said about chat. Many people cannot go there. for a couple of reasons. amongs them that they feel ignored. In chat people tend to talk in pm. They do noteven see what is going on in the room. I have done that too when I was helping someone. It is why I refuse to go to chat. Because I found it too upsetting to be unintentially hurting people because my focus was on private chat while helping someone. It can be really hurtful. How do I know? I have been to chat in the past when there were many people in the room.And yet.... I was completely ignored. I am sure they did not even notice my words while busy talking in private chat. Still it amplified the feelings I already had.

    Perhaps the remedy for that could be a private chat room. People can go there to park themselves while in private chat. so it is understood that if you are in that room, there is a real probability that most of what you write in the room wall will not even be seen.
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