Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Fleas, Feb 18, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Fleas

    Fleas New Member

    Please help. I made a bad choice and decided to have an affair with my first love, even though he's over a thousand miles away in my home town. This was our 3rd time in a relationship. He's not married, but I am-with 3 kids. I have been totally ignored and mostly abandoned by my husband for the last 4 years. My affair started over 6 months ago and we were both amazingly in love-or so I thought. Recently I visited him in my home town and it was fun and amazing. The last night I was there I supposed to see him, but he didn't call or text. I went by his house, he wasn't there. I left the next day broken-hearted knowing nothing. I texted, I called-nothing. He called a week later to say he was asked to dump me. He alluded that it was my mother who asked him to never contact me again. I'm 44 years old, and i resent her. She stole my best friend, soul mate, and love of my life. I am beyond broken. My chest and throat hurt, I cry several times a day, I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't even trust anyone and I struggle to get out of bed and go to work. My husband is suspicious, but doesn't know. I don't love him any more. He is wealthy, educated and we live well. I have a low-paying job that's during the time my kids are in school. He recently retired from the military and has multiple health problems. I can no longer function. My love won't answer my calls or texts. I can't tolerate living each day. It's been 10 days since I was dumped and I thought things would get better, but it seems like it's worse. I'm tired of trying to live like this. It's too much physical and emotional pain. I was betrayed by my own mother, and now I'm wondering if the man I want to get divorced for and eventually marry was lying the whole time. I could feel the love and see it in his eyes. If it was fake, then I am shocked. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to be with my husband, but I feel trapped due to money. I no longer have the love of my life. I've hated everyday since he ended it. I'm unloved, ignored, disrespected, and I have a crap job. My kids are always in turmoil with each other so I'm a terrible mom, as well. I come home from work and go t bed. I dose up on Ativan and don't eat. <Mod Edit, WildCherry> Any suggestions?
  2. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hi Lost;

    Wow, that sounds really hard! I'm so lucky to have married the love of my life who is fantastic and puts up with so much s*** from me with my moods. I can't imagine how tough it must be for you living with someone who doesn't value you and love and accept you for the beautiful, loving person you must be! You must be - because you show great love and loyalty in wanting to be with your lover, even though the circumstances are messy. I hope you can find a way through the mess, and find love and acceptance - from yourself, and hopefully with the right man as well even if it's neither of the ones you are hurting over right now.

    I am also in my early 40s, with three teenage kids, and I sure feel like a failure as a Mum, too! When they fight. When their Dad grouses at them for not doing their chores. Or the school calls because they didn't do well on a test. Or a note gets returned late, their uniform's not ready, they have to make their own lunch, the house is not clean, I have to tell them they can't have a friend over, they have a friend over and I am embarrassed for them that their Mum is such a loser... Every day in every way I feel like a failure of a Mum! But they love me, and are the reason every day that I keep going when the attraction of suicide is so strong. They're teenagers. They rarely show they love me, but when they do it means so much. They're grotty and cranky and bicker and fight and generally need so much more than I can offer - but they need everything I can offer. It may not be enough but it's better than nothing. And I don't know a single Mum out there who is getting it right all the time, or who doesn't feel like a terrible mother most of the time if they're being honest!

    So hang in there! We all make bad choices, usually for good reasons. I hope one of your kids gives you an unexpected gesture of love today, and reminds you how special and loved you are in their eyes. And I hope you find people you can talk to and get support from, here and in the real world. Be kind to yourself. Eat more food, less pills... I hope you feel better soon.
  3. Fleas

    Fleas New Member

    Thanks JayBird for they reply. Today the struggle is too hard to fight. I left work and came home to bed. I don't have the strength to breathe or move. I don't have have any happiness any more. I want to give up the battle.
  4. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hi Fleas.

    Please hang in there! Is there anyone home who can give you a hug, bring you a drink, or anything to help distract you for a bit?
    I have been there, I know how hard it can be to fight to even keep breathing, but please, please keep fighting- you are worth it! If you can't reach out to anyone nearby - and I kno that might seem impossible right now, but it would be great if you could - do at least keep talking to people here. Really, it can help.

    My thoughts are with you. Please be safe and well.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that you are in a state. Losing a loved one might be temporary. You need to let the dust settle before you contact him. I understand your world is upside down but dealing with situation is going to be difficult, You need to focus one day at a time. Please remain calm as you are at a low point in your life.

    The betrayal from your mother was not nice as she had no right to interfere with your life. You need to make peace with your mum as perhaps she was.trying to look out for you.

    Please give it sometime, before you contact him. You need to seek some counselling as you cannot suffer alone. Each day is going to hard, I'm not going to lie to you. Be reassured it does easy and you are among friends here.

    Keep posting and be safe.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2015
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.