Please help. I made a bad choice and decided to have an affair with my first love, even though he's over a thousand miles away in my home town. This was our 3rd time in a relationship. He's not married, but I am-with 3 kids. I have been totally ignored and mostly abandoned by my husband for the last 4 years. My affair started over 6 months ago and we were both amazingly in love-or so I thought. Recently I visited him in my home town and it was fun and amazing. The last night I was there I supposed to see him, but he didn't call or text. I went by his house, he wasn't there. I left the next day broken-hearted knowing nothing. I texted, I called-nothing. He called a week later to say he was asked to dump me. He alluded that it was my mother who asked him to never contact me again. I'm 44 years old, and i resent her. She stole my best friend, soul mate, and love of my life. I am beyond broken. My chest and throat hurt, I cry several times a day, I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't even trust anyone and I struggle to get out of bed and go to work. My husband is suspicious, but doesn't know. I don't love him any more. He is wealthy, educated and we live well. I have a low-paying job that's during the time my kids are in school. He recently retired from the military and has multiple health problems. I can no longer function. My love won't answer my calls or texts. I can't tolerate living each day. It's been 10 days since I was dumped and I thought things would get better, but it seems like it's worse. I'm tired of trying to live like this. It's too much physical and emotional pain. I was betrayed by my own mother, and now I'm wondering if the man I want to get divorced for and eventually marry was lying the whole time. I could feel the love and see it in his eyes. If it was fake, then I am shocked. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to be with my husband, but I feel trapped due to money. I no longer have the love of my life. I've hated everyday since he ended it. I'm unloved, ignored, disrespected, and I have a crap job. My kids are always in turmoil with each other so I'm a terrible mom, as well. I come home from work and go t bed. I dose up on Ativan and don't eat. <Mod Edit, WildCherry> Any suggestions?