Lost.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kahsyrbag, Jan 4, 2016.

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  1. Kahsyrbag

    Kahsyrbag Member

    There is a stranger in my mirror, he looks like me, but something just doesn't seem right. 15 years of depression have taken there toll, what to do though. I no longer have faith that I can keep myself alive. Counseling, medicine, it has never worked, I am so lost.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The thing with depression it does that it takes away a part of us so we do not recognize ourselves over time but depression has cycles so you know there will be days that are not so dark hold on to those days ok knowing that they will come again. Find enjoyment just one even each day to hold you here. smile of a child walk in nature or j ust be amongst people in a mall it help to keep the depression at bay some
     
  3. Lightwarrior

    Lightwarrior SF Social Media

    Hello, I am so sorry to hear You´ve been living with depression for such a long time . What total eclipse said is very important, to be able to enjoy and hold on to yourself on those days which are more calm and serene but if You allow me to say, I think that since You´ve been on depression for so long, it has roots inside your heart and the only way to stop those cycles from happening is by cutting off those roots . I know it ain´t easy and I know You must have tried so much and so many ways.

    You said that medication didn´t work, well sooner or later that´s how everyone finds themselves, without the proper help that the medication says it offers because such thing is a temporary solution, depression messes up with brain and hormones but first of all, it is an emotional issue, it is an emotional struggle which affects the body as well with time. If We only treat the biological damage, We allow the true source of suffer to continue loose within ourselves.

    I dont know what has damaged your mental state but I am sure it has to do with not only one thing but several incidents and issues, depression is a heavy bag but We can´t throw it away, gotta work on each issue inside it so it gets ligher with time and We are more able to mantain control of ourselves. I am not saying this to make it seem like it´s easy but I lived many years deep into depression and had suicidal thoughts and desire as well but I got out of that dark world and I became a different person and so can You but fighting is more than important, it is necessary and essential in other to recover. Think about it this way, if You don´t encourage yourself and face your issues, Your scars from the past will continue to get wider but if You face your problems and force yourself to step on them and get stronger, You will gain more scars because there will be failing and I know failing can be overwhelming when We are desperately in need of recover but that is part of the process of gaining wisdom, each time we fail, it´s an opportunity to reflect upon what we did or didn´t do that resulted in failture, so We try again, with more knowledge and more strength and of course always believing in ourselves because no matter how hard We try, if We don´t believe, efforts will be in vain. Those scars from the failures will be healed when You start succeeding and those ones from the past will heal from your success.

    Don´t think it´s impossible, do not believe you are hopeless because You are not
    Your depression wants You to believe in that but You should tell yourself otherwise and start acting otherwise.

    Hope You will reflect upon this message
    and if You would like to talk, You can sure send me a message or post something else here and I will come back

    Take care and please do not give up on yourself !!!
     
  4. Kahsyrbag

    Kahsyrbag Member

    Thank you both for your kind words, it helps knowing people care.
     
  5. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    What's kept you going all this time? Is there something you are working towards? Someone in your life that makes it worthwhile? 15 years is a long time, and I'm not sure I'd recognise myself after that long. What's going on for you?
     
  6. Lightwarrior

    Lightwarrior SF Social Media

    No need to thank, I really hope You feel better and if so, please take this time to work on yourself and to assimilate the encouragement and positivity You´ve been receiving. You can do it !!!!!!

    I wish You to recover and build up a new and better life !!!!
     
  7. Kahsyrbag

    Kahsyrbag Member

    My faith is the only thing that keeps me going, I'm still hoping to end up in heaven with all the people that where gone too soon.
     
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