lost

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by silent_chaos, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I decided to tell a family member I didn't want to stay with her anymore at her house. It started when Her boyfriend son was busted with drugs a large amount. And my cousin and her boyfriend are the biggest drug dealers in the south part of the state. When the guy got busted she freaked out and started having me hide shit off of her property and take stuff to my house. Well a week goes by and shits just getting more crazy. So I grow a pair and tell her I didnt want to stay with her at her house. And I want the stuff out of my house.
    she flipped the fuck out, I knew she was going to go all drama on me but this was a whole new level I didn't expect. They threatened my life. I live in a small town. My thoughts are should I move? Should I accept that I know I don't value my life and put up a front and act normal like their not affecting my life. Do I kill myself so they don't get the pleasure of doing it. I have a lot of family here my whole dads side. And she said never to contact any of them not even my dad. If you count the members of my family and her boyfriend family that's 15 people that I don't want to run into. im paranoid, havnt slept much. I set an alarm to wake up every 15 minutes incase I do fall asleep. I know their not going to dot he dirty job themselves so everyone is a suspect to me. I havnt called my friends for fear they will pay or threaten them for information or whatever. I tild my therapist that im afraid to talk to her cause they will pay or threaten he to talk. Her boyfriend is part of the cartel. he pais a cop here in this town for information. Im fucked. Its been 5 days since this went down. Nothing has happened but their going to wait till I let my guard down. I do have on my side that I know how to look and watch for things. That I learned from them. My cousin and I use to be so close until she got with this guy. I hope she remembers how I was there for her when he <mod edit - detail> and I was there to hold her for days instead she tells me to always remember how I got myself in this position of losing all of the family I had. she d osnt know that I wrote letters and put them all over my house and truck if something does happen to me the cops will know that they are the only people that have threatened my life. I feel so sorry for the kids who still live in the home with her. Its sad they are 10 and 8 and they know what heroin, meth and pot are. They get paid in the summer to trim pot. Im going to miss them. I know when they get older they will have free will to be able to talk to me. I treated them better then she did. I played games with them I helped then with their homework. I didn't call call them asshole stupid fuck prices of shot. The 10 year old would say <mod edit - methods> and she would say good your a shitty son. he's 10!
    I had my dad call last night leaving a message saying he was going to kill himself. And there was nothing I could do about it. my emotions are over the place. But I accept theres a hit on my head and almost have a peace feeling over my body idk.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So get in your vehicle and go to a different state somewhere you feel safe enough to report the threats on your life just move ok as far away from all of it you do not have to stay in her world of toxicity
     
  3. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    They will always find out where I move to. Theres nowhere I could run to feel safe.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh my goodness that is a frightening situation to be in, this may sound extreme and I do not know how things work where you live but can you go under a witness protection program where the police will help you hide and protect you from everything. I think moving should be your no.1 priority right now, it HAS to be better than living like a hermit in fear of your life. You are a good person and you do not deserve to live in fear, do what you can to get out of the situation you are in. Hugs x
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I will second the advice of moving the hell away. Witness protection sounds good, even if it's scary. But so is the situation you are in right now!

    You deserve to take care of yourself and get yourself to a safe place!!
     
  6. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I did think about that also. I mentioned in my original post that there is a dirty cop here in this town that he pays. So I figure why go threw all of that if im not going to be kept safe. I know everything about them. They told me about the cop they pay. I even know his name. im also afraid that if they ever do get busted that they will see that I hid, and burned stuff on their pproperty. I had stuff at my house for a week. I didn't want to do any of it but she told me to suck it up and I have nothing to worry about I have no record so they would never suspect me. But im not stupid. They watch everything, everyone.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That situation sounds really scary, how about just going ''missing'' move states do whatever you have to do for your own safety, go where they will never catch up with you. It is worth a try is it not? As other options seem pretty bleak right now.
     
  8. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I would do where to go. Im just so scared, numb, and confused.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Run from evil, don't get involved in their drug/family disputes, the dodgy cop etc... all seems so crazy but to you it is your life and you have to accept it as that unfortunately. Go far away and start afresh somewhere, it might even help with your mental health issues. I understand you are scared and frightened, I just do not want to see you getting hurt.
     
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    If you go to a different state and report to the authorities there? Then you won't have to deal with that cop, right?
     
  11. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I've already been hurt by her saying don't contact any of the family not even my dad. He called me the other day and left a message saying he wanted to end his life. I was torn between answering and getting threatened more. Only me and one of my other cousins are able to talk him down when he gets like that.
     
  12. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I don't mean threatened more, I mean adding to the fire. Im trying to tell myself I'm nothing to them I'm not worth killing. Im a small fish. And they have enough attention on them right now with the chick that set the son up.
     
  13. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Im am now detached and emotionally numb. Everything is still bothering me and scary but, I don't know I don't have the emotions those go with it. I don't feel like crying. I do feel in a very secluded state of my that feels alone. I think I might drive to the mental health cause self harm and suicide are running threw my head.
     
  14. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You should do that, please, sooner rather than later. Take care of yourself!