:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: Look at this sack of SHIT! no future no hope no life no love no money no prospects nothing A vacuum A void A fucking black hole leading to knowhere.. Im so lost. Im tired, depressed to the fucking brink, lonely beyond words. I look back 6 months ago...and I cant bare to watch. Job ads...what a fucking laugh. Who writes this shit? motivation speakers...they sound like there from la la land...I have no fucking clue what rock these people crawled out from, but its totally alien to me. The language? Do they want "normal", depressed, suicidal nutjobs like myself to apply? I guess not. They sound far too driven, far to upbeat, far to stimulated...Id never fit in. All i want is a some job where I turn up, do my shift, get reasonably paid, and fuck off home, I dont want to pretend the job is my life...not gonna pretend im actually interested. This is what its come too...every day, around and around and around in fucking circles. Im sick of it :blub: so fucking tired, can someone PLEASE! hit me with a brick or something, bludgeon me to death, take the responsibility for killing myself out of my hands. Its so simple....all I have to do is get up, take a walk, and finish it. How fucking easy can it be? FUCK! Ive got a page here from a scrapbook dating back about 15 years. When I was 20 I wrote a suicide note, reading it now, same shit, differant decade. Fuck im pathetic....christ...it just never ends.....I didnt have any balls then either. Its fucking hilarious...isnt it? You know a part of me must still care or something, still dream and have aspirations, but reality, me being me, I need to crush those dreams, stop believing I can be anything other that what I am... Im sorry guys, I know you really care, but its about time you face reality, IM A FUCKING LOST CAUSE. Im being totally sincere here, this isnt surfing another downer, this is fucking gospel. Think I should start filling out the will kit I bought last Saturday, not that Ive got anything to write...mum can have everything. Fuck it, fuck it all....I dont want to speak, I dont want to move, I dont want to chat, I dont want to delude anyone, any longer, that my life is worth saving, because you and I both know the truth. It fucking isnt.