lost

[malek]

My home life really isn’t going well and I’m really unhappy. I no longer love my wife and there is nothing I could do to change that … I know … I tried. Problem is I have 2 kids with her.

Now

Option 1: I leave her, totally crush her, my kids. rip 40% of their stuff away (so I can remake my life even if I paid for 100% of it)

Option 2: Kill my self, totally crush her, my kids. They keep everything + insurance.

Option 3: stay, be miserable, totally unhappy and keep feeling dead inside.

For the life of me although I know leaving her is the only thing that will solve our problems I just can’t do it. I’ve known for the last 3 years that I was no longer happy. I had decided to stay for the kids but now my depression is coming back on full force.

I have learned that my suicidal thoughts always come back when I envisage leaving her and the kids, and I always decide to stay because it’s a LOT less complicated.

I know it’s the only way I will ever regain control of my life, I know it’s what I need to do, but I simply cant get around to do it … killing my self seems so much easier.

I know no one here can give me any good advice. Hell even my doctors told me to leave her and I can’t get around to it (not because I still love her but because it is so much trouble)

Unfortunately I have 0 friends I could talk to, I can’t talk about this to my coworkers, I can’t talk about this to my parents for obvious reasons and I can’t talk to her … unless I want to fight and have her scream at me for a few hrs.

I’m lost and let’s just say I’m seriously contemplating suicide … again I can’t handle life and hardship anymore I just want to die.

 

[Esmeralda]

First, have you talked to your wife about how you're feeling? Have you tried going into counseling together?

 

[malek]

if only it was that easy.

1) Counselling wont do anything since she is not willing to admit she is doing anything wrong ... anyway any and all feeling of love i could feel have vanished.

2) I try to talk to her daylie but all i get is a stone wall. i talk she doesn't say anything until i get tired and leave.

communication lines have been closed almost our entire relationship i have tried prying them open but it's more than 1 man ca do.

 

[Esmeralda]

Have you done everything you can? Are you doing anything wrong in the marriage? Maybe if you told her that you will leave if she doesn't go with you to counseling. If you felt love for her once, there is still a chance.

If not, you are not doing her any favors by staying around. If you leave, at least she stands the chance of finding someone else to love her. She and your children will never, ever recover if you commit suicide.

How old are your kids? Any chance of waiting until they are out of the house?

 

[malek]

my kids are both 4yo and younger

being human yes i do stuff wrong in our couple it would be hipocrit of me to say otherwise.

she wont go with me to councelling she made that clear. As for my self i dont believe in it. i;m bipolar and i'm been in and out of every kind of doctor's office all my life and they dont know jack.

i know i'm not doing her a favor by staying, doing her a favor is the farthest thing from my mind right now.

 

[Esmeralda]

It sounds like you have a lot of resentment toward your wife. Is there something she has done to make you feel this way?

If neither of you are willing to try to save the marriage, then I guess the only alternative is to leave. Your kids aren't going to learn anything about how to love in an environment like this.

 

[TLA]

I too want to suicide, but my son is almost 4. I stay for him only. I am lonely and very sad/numb/in pain/hurt. I am bipolar also. My husband divorced me while I was in-patient. He has custody of our son and will not talk to me.

I would agree to some point with Peanut. If she will not work on it, or yet acknowledge the problems and communicate about the situations, you can look into "options". I DO NOT like divorce as an option.

--Are you christian, Have you prayed about it?

--How long have you been together?

--If you kill yourself, insurance companies oftentimes, do not pay on the policy if there is a determination of suicide.

--Did you ask her what she wants? Do you think she wants to leave too?Have you just blurted out that things are making you severely depressed? Does she care or not? (Don't use ultimatums)

--If all else fails, leave. Find peace, smile. Play with the kids, be friends. LIVE.

Some of us are in similiar delimina's. Think on it.

 

[KyleKW]

"Option 2: Kill my self, totally crush her, my kids. They keep everything + insurance."

I've never heard of an insurance policy that pays the claim when it's a suicide, if anything only a very small amount. I've heard that's why so many people do 'it' in a way that could be ruled accidental. If your home and other possessions are in both your names (joint ownership) than that could open up a legal mess for your wife and children.

I know of someone that died in a car accident, which wasn't a suicide. His insurance policy was relatively new and he had gone through some rough times; there wasn't another car involved in the accident... because of this the insurance company fought paying the claim for a year while his wife incurred legal expenses and lost everything. It was finally ruled an accident, that he probably lost control after hanging up a call on his cell phone, but by then the insurance check couldn't do much to put his family back on a good path.

Am just letting you know... If you wanted to leave your family with some financial security, please don't count on insurance. Because of 'client confidentiality' I don't think lawyers can say anything if you were to seek one out to make arrangements. Am sure you're a good person, if you decide to... should try your best to leave on the best terms. Good luck.