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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KMS, Oct 3, 2007.

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  1. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    Lately i have been thinking about suicide again. i stopped for a while. things seemed to get better. Well not better but i had things distracting me, like work and people who i thought were my friends. I was working 70+ hour weeks and between that, playing hockey, and racing my car i was too busy and distracted to think about my depression.

    Now with racing coming to a close (getting colder) and my job cutting all OT(back to 40 hours) i have enormous amounts of free time and that is my enemy. My friends don't answer phone calls or respond to texts or ims anymore. These are the only 2 people i considered true friends. The people that know what I'm going through that i could talk to. now neither seems like they have time for me. 1 I can understand. Shes pregnant with her second child and is almost due, but the other just seems to talk to me when she needs to vent about something. and i listen every time because thats what friends do. But i have no one to vent to myself anymore.

    I'm 25, overweight and have been trying to follow a self imposed diet and exercise plan. i did lose 20 lbs but now I'm stuck. i tried 2 diet pills as well and they didn't work so now I'm mixing the pills to see if both can help.

    Anyway, I'm extremely lonely and depressed. I sit in front of my computer all the time hoping someones around to talk to or distract me but thats not happening. MY self worth is below the bottom of the pit and my self confidence is non existent. I hate my job and the people i work with and i despise my new boss.

    I hate the fact that I'm not liked, not attractive, and cant get the courage to talk to a girl let alone ever find a girlfriend. I'm sexually frustrated obviously. I've had sex 1 time with 1 girl and I'm ashamed to say it was wit ha prostitute. i just couldn't wait any longer and i regret it every day.

    I had a Girlfriend once but it was a relationship of conveniences, not love. She had broken up with her boyfriend a day or 2 prior and i was looking for anything. needless to say it didn't last and there was a lot of hurt in both directions.

    i cant take being alone any longer but I'm also too apathetic to do anything about it. i tried therapy once but it made things worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to die, to ease my pain but I'm too scared to do it. its weird I'm afraid it will hurt but i want to die anyway. i take lots of dangerous chances driving as well in hopes someone will cream me. id rather not take anyone with me but sometimes it seems like the only way. Other times when I'm driving over a bridge i think about how easy it would be to just jerk the wheel to the right and go over the side. it really wouldn't be hard.

    anyway I'm don't ranting for now. please someone just kill me. you can keep all my shit i own. its not much but the car might interest someone
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: awww i'm sorry hun i be your friend hun and do my best to help you out hun :hug:
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