Lost

[Cas]

Things aren't going so well. Six weeks ago my son was stillborn. Ever since then I have known I was going to break but not to what degree or when. The time has arrived.
Yesturday I completely flipped out and when I was in the shower I started smashing my head into the tiles. It seemed like a fun way to hurt myself at the time.
Last night, my husband came home 6 hours late with barely an excuse. My main reasons for being miffed were 1] I didn't know where he was because he wouldn't answer my calls, 2] I was prescribed medication yesturday and by the time he got home everything was closed, 3] it has happened atleast 3 times a week since our baby was born.
Up until a few days ago I was doing everything to be helpful, getting him off to work, cooking all his meals, basically being a good little housewife. Last night I completely lost it. I cut up a few of our photos and threw paper/toiletpaper/ tissues/anything i could find absolutely everywhere while screaming and crying.
He admitted that he's been running from me emotionally and taking me for granted.
I know he's not in a good place right now, but I'm still willing to love him through it. For better or worse, right?!
Today I asked that he come home from work, not via some mates house he didn't bother telling me about. We need to talk about this stuff. I don't trust him to do this.
Someone from the local psych team is coming around to my place today to see if I'm still alive.
I don't want to be on this planet anymore.

 

[LSD]

maybe he thinks he can't help you about it..
some people..usually runs than go and face the problem
thats what he's doing

talk.. be strong and just tell your feelings
do you love him?
do you sitll wanna be with you?
can you both work a way to solve that "communication" problem?
is it worth to fight?
better try than not trying uh =P

be strong
and yelling and cryign doesn't have anything wrong
go willldd!!
take it out alll
don't keep anything
cuz if you keep verything inside you might explote one day..and tahs not good
luck

 

[itmahanh]

I'm so sorry for your loss. And as unfair as it all is you sound like you are suffering the baby blues. Almost all moms go through it after pregnancy. If you already suffer depression or some other mental health issue than the blues can be sheer Hell. Especially when the person you rely on for support, your husband, is having issues of his own. Hun I'm not trying to be cruel but he is probably trying to deal with the loss as well. And unfortunately this is his way of doing it. Go ahead, throw things, cry, scream, go absolutley crazy for a bit if it helps. But please dont do things to harm yourself. You also need to talk to a professional about all this. As much as it reassuring to talk to your husband, a professional may have some insight and resources for you that can better help you through your pain. And hun, please give yourself some time to grieve for your loss. I know it is painful to lose your baby, but you have to grieve and move on. You have to allow yourself at least that much. If you want to talk or cry or yell I'm only a pm away.