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  1. Hi,

    I'm new here... i just felt like i needed to tell someone how i feel. I cant get thoughts of suicide out of my head. This is nothing new, I've been like this for years but lately its getting so strong. My life is nothing, i have nothing to look forward too, just the same shit every day. I practically live in my head most of the time. I only go out to either go to work or to get drunk with buddies and that messes me up even more. I drink way more than everyone else and end up doing things that make me even more sad and anxious the next day. I've got into so much trouble through my drinking, i nearly lost my family etc. I dont think i'm an alcoholic because i dont need a drink everyday, it only when i go out... I drink because i cant face people in a social situation sober. I have no social skills whatsoever! a stranger only has to say hello and i feel shy. My job sucks the life out of me, its stressful and my colleagues aren't supportive at all, in fact they take delight in pointing out my weaknesses and mistakes... i lose my temper so easily and upset people and that makes stuff so much worse. My family dont understand me, they think i'm just grumpy and unsocial when i sit alone in this room for hours... sometimes on the computer.. sometimes just in the dark wishing i could just pluck the courage up to end it. The only thing that stops me right now is the thought of leaving them behind... they wouldn't be able to keep up payments on the house etc i couldn't do that to them. I love them, i just hate me.
    I've never seen a doctor or anyone about my feelings, i just couldn't do it. I cant even talk to a doctor about a regular medical problem... i just clam up as soon as they ask me what the problem is.
    I'm so lost :(
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    At least you were able to post here and talk to us about what's going on. That's a first step in the right direction.

    Do you have any idea why the suicidal feelings have gotten stronger lately?
     
  3. Hi, thanks for your reply. I have no idea why and this might sound really stupid but i feel like there's a specific reason and i cant remember it. Maybe its just a culmination of things. Just feeling like i have no life, i try to think to my future and i cant see anything. I'm trapped in this hell of my own making and i mean really trapped. Suffocated. People around me seem almost demonic, heartless, cruel. Hell bent on destroying me and my life. I'm going to beat them to it and destroy myself. And now i'm sounding like a lunatic. But this is just how i feel right now.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't sound like a lunatic. It just sounds like you're getting everything out, and that's a good thing.

    Don't let anyone (or anything) destroy you. You're stronger than that. You're down right now, but you can pick yourself up.
     
  5. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    Hi EverythingBreaks, it sounds like you *might* have Social Anxiety Disorder.

    It's the most common anxiety disorder and can involve drinking to excess to deal with social situations and feeling like you have no social skills.

    I have it along with major depression but things are slowly improving.

    There's help for it, some people go for the Dr Richards audio course or this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Behavioural/dp/1854877038.

    Also people can be referred for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by their Dr.

    Obviously, you might not even have social anxiety, but perhaps looking into this avenue could be a start for you - a way to find some hope.

    You really should see your Dr if you're feeling this low. It's absolutely fine to write it down and hand it over if you don't feel able to say it in words.

    If they're not sympathetic/you don't feel appropriately cared for, ask to switch to another Dr, it's perfectly acceptable to do this.

    Help is definitely out there but unfortunately we have to fight for it a bit sometimes.

    Sorry you're feeling so bad, I hope things get better for you.

    - fzz :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 11, 2009
  6. Thank you both. I will look into the social anxiety problem. I know i'm paranoid and i have had panic attacks in the past.
     
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