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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by pinkydog, Jul 25, 2009.

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  1. pinkydog

    pinkydog New Member

    I don't know were to start, so here it goes. I was told three years ago I was terminal ill, I suffer from heart failure and kidney failure. I always thought people would react different to terminal illness then they do. About a year and a half after I was told the woman who said she was my sole mate told me she could not handle watching me die and asked me to leave. I had a dog I raised from a pup and a step child I had been a father to from age 3 he is now 13. I have filed for disability and been unable to receive it, because of the economy I lost my job and worked under the table for a while to keep what I thought was my family going. As a result I have IRS problems. I now live with my parents, a family I left when I was 16 and had never gone back, I am now 46. They have only visited me in all the place I have lived 7 states twice. I live in a basement room 8 x 10 with one 2 by 3 window in the upper right hand corner, with people who do not understand or appreciate me. My mother can not talk to me with out going through my failures, she has told me I am unloveable and a woman will not keep me, I am not special just different ect. I enjoy cooking BBQing and camping, Here I can not cook or BBQ and no money to camp. I left all I worked for with my ex and my son, no room for it here and it seemed like the right thing to do. Two days ago a friend of mine Josh shot himself and ever since I wonder why I go on, why I do not have the courage to end this life, why I am so weak. I have no money, no future, I will likely never know the touch of a women again in my life and I like pleasing them so, the things I learned over the years that are me are no longer available to me, I am a burden to all that bother with me. I have no heath insurance so emergency rooms are my only available care. I keep searching for a reason to live but come up empty. I guess I am searching for help but I don't know why.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN


    First of all, welcome to SF. I'm so sorry people have treated you that way. It's hard to believe what a harsh place the world can really be.

    I hope you keep posting, because there are a lot of nice people here. If you ever want to talk or just need a friend, you can PM me anytime. Please don't give up; you seem like a good person who's just been treated pretty bad. You deserve way better.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there .. welcome 2 the forums ..

    your post really touched me.. u have so much 2 deal with.. it doesnt seem fair.. but ur here still fighting it all.. thats so inspirational..
    as wildcherry said u sound like a very caring and good person .. i really hope things improve 4 u .. it would be great if u could keep posting and let us know how ur doing ..
    u can pm me anytime also .. im sorry i dont have any practical advice .. but know that we are here anytime if u want 2 talk .. :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to SF.

    I also felt really sad reading your post :sad:

    You've made the first step by reaching out for help, keep reaching out,you are heard.

    I'm always around if you need to talk!
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