Hello ,Well where to start? Basically it all just sucks. I have been up and down all year. And I am so far down in a hole right now that I don’t even see any light. Suicidal thoughts are always there. Plans well plans are easy gun knife pills whatever , they are all easy to come by. Maybe even suicide by cop. I try to talk to people but there answers are always the same. “buck up” , “life is hard for everyone get over it”, “all you need is a job and everything will be better”, and my favorite is “deal with it”.I have nothing no hope no future just nothing. I keep trying to push the thoughts away but they are always there. What can I do? I am completely and hopelessly lost. The thoughts make sense the pain will stop! I will be forgotten in time. There is a small voice in my head that says no keep living. But the voice is getting quieter by the day. Soon it will be gone then what? Do I live or do I die? I don know. Confusion is reigning king. It just hurts so much. What to do what to do what to do. I JUST DON’T KNOW.