I am utterly lost. I've had 'situational depression' twice in my life, due to life shattering circumstances. I don't want to go over them, at least not yet, but both times involved men (shocking), one big-ass betrayal from a long term bf, and now the death of my husband. As far as I know I don't have any biological depression, but I've had a taste of it. And I'm now being forced to go through it again. I've heard that it's normal for people to become clinically depressed if it goes untreated. I've also heard that widows never fully get over it. I can't live like that. I'm 25 and I have a 4 year old boy (from my ex) and I'm pregnant with another boy from my husband. So while other expectant mothers are giddy and exited about expanding their families, I'm alone, cold and scared about what's going to happen to me and the kids. Life has forced me to become one of those "skanky" moms who have kids from two different guys. It wasn't my plan, but society probably won't care about that. I find that a lot of people look down on single moms, especially younger ones like me. I am being forced to be something that I never wanted to be. It seems to me that life will only ever get worse and worse for me with each year. I get good and bad periods, however the bad periods are longer and stronger. All my life, I had problems that other people simply were not plagued with. However, even when my ex was being a dick to me, I've still never considered suicide before. I hate myself for considering it, but thinking that it will all probably end soon is basically the only thing that eases my anxiety. I even organised a will and guardians for the boys. I feel as if I am bad for them for being so miserable all the time. And, in a weird way, I'm afraid they're going to catch my horrible luck. My mum said to me that this will make me stronger. That's great, except I don't see what's so great about being strong. Honestly, I would rather be weak and be rattled by silly little things rather than be strong and recieve enormous trials all the time. I do feel a little bit better typing it all out. I wanted to post my story so that other people can read this and get some comfort. I hope that other people can read this and realise that it can get worse, or maybe that they're definately not alone.