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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Katy, Oct 25, 2011.

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  1. Katy

    Katy New Member

    Sorry if this is a jumbled mess but Im so lost I don't know how to cope anymore.

    Ive always had problems making friends - in honesty Ive never had one. I was bullied by my infant school teacher and all the way through school. This has continued through my working life. People want me in their life while im useful then thats it, they never speak to me again. I've coped with it reasonably well over the years - theres always been this huge ache inside what refuses to go away. I recently thought I had finally found a friend but my lack of self esteem eventually became too much. I can understand why - Id find myself frustrating.

    I just want to be normal and have a life instead of sitting on my own every evening. I tried joining a club but it didnt go well and now I dont have the money or courage to try again. I just want everything to be over, I'm so very tired but I can't put my parents through it at their age.

    I don't know where to go from here. Perhaps I should accept that Im not worth peoples time and attention and stop deluding myself.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF Katy,

    Sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time. It's not easy being bullied and being alone. It has been that way for me since high school, though I don't get bullied anymore I am still alone and have very little self confidence. Which country are you from? Maybe go and see a doctor about the way you are feeling, may be able to give you some meds just to lift that black cloud for a while, or be able to refer you for some therapy and maybe both. Of course you can always post here if you need extra help and support and are struggling.
  3. JeffNY

    JeffNY Member

    Katy, i know it sounds cliche but it does get better. I know it's hard to feel that way because you feel you have been dealt a shitty hand for quite awhile. You seem like a good person and just haven't interacted with the right people.

    Like butterfly said this forum here is a nice way to gain some support, it has lifted my spirits a bit just seeing that I am not the only one dealing with issues. sometimes just being on a forum like this could help you learn to communicate for when you get out there.

    If you need someone to talk to, you could PM me if needed and i'll help the best I can. I know how it feels to be alone because I pushed people out of my life for years and it wasn't until recently that I decided enough was enough. I am now trying to take a stand and fix my life. I'm sure you can do it too, it just takes time and some effort.
  4. Katy

    Katy New Member

    Thank you. I didn't know how just blurting it out would help. Ive also gone through other posts and Im beginning to realise Im not the freak I thought I was.

    Butterfly - Im in England and have been to my GP but he's unwilling to do anything until my circumstances have changed. I have a lot of stress atm and Im struggling to change that fact but I can understand where he's coming from.

    JeffNY thank you for your kind offer. Its good to know people do come out of it ok and it helps a lot. When Im calm I know it will sort itself out but when Im going through a bad patch I find it hard to see out of the darkness.
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am also in England :) What are these circumstances? Can you tell us more or are you not ready to yet???
  6. 1dayatatime

    1dayatatime Member

    My prayers are with you. I've gone through that and I know it leaves a lasting impression, but as this forum shows you're not alone and people do care and know what you've been through. The key is not letting it become you.
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