Sorry if this is a jumbled mess but Im so lost I don't know how to cope anymore. Ive always had problems making friends - in honesty Ive never had one. I was bullied by my infant school teacher and all the way through school. This has continued through my working life. People want me in their life while im useful then thats it, they never speak to me again. I've coped with it reasonably well over the years - theres always been this huge ache inside what refuses to go away. I recently thought I had finally found a friend but my lack of self esteem eventually became too much. I can understand why - Id find myself frustrating. I just want to be normal and have a life instead of sitting on my own every evening. I tried joining a club but it didnt go well and now I dont have the money or courage to try again. I just want everything to be over, I'm so very tired but I can't put my parents through it at their age. I don't know where to go from here. Perhaps I should accept that Im not worth peoples time and attention and stop deluding myself.