I suppose I should say 'hi' to everyone out there, or at least those that choose to read this thread. There's not really much to say about me. I'm alone in all the ways that matter. There are people around me but no-one I can talk to, not really. Do I have suicidal thoughts? Yes. Have I ever attempted it? That depends on your definition. I've done things that, given the right set of circumstances, would have resulted in my death (and did so on purpose) but never actually gone that last step that meant it was a sure thing (or at least as certain as anything can be). Why? Because I don't want people to know. If I could do it without it being KNOWN as suicide, it would be easier. Do I have any reason to live? In theory, yes. But I don't feel it. I don't feel anything except pain, fear and despair anymore. The rest of the time I'm just numb. Life is an exercise in pretence. Have I been diagnosed with any medical disorder? No but then I don't trust doctors (no offense to any doctors out there) so I've never spoken to them about how I feel. Can anyone help me? Probably not. I don't even want to be helped. I just want to be gone. That's it. That's all I want. Why am I posting this? So I can pretend that I've tried, at least a little. I don't expect any answers. I don't expect anything. To those that have bothered to read this (if any), I wish you a better day than I'm having. Good luck.