lost

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by smith.7335, Sep 26, 2012.

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  1. smith.7335

    smith.7335 New Member

    I cannot get over my ex-girlfriend whom I broke up with 2 years ago for no reason but she was diagnosed with cancer. She is better now and has been dating some other guy for almost a year. I used to get really drunk and smoke weed everyday at college because I didn't know what else to do. I became the laughing stock of everyone from that behavior. Since then, I have gotten an OVI, almost flunked college at OSU, lost a lot of friends, and am living at home now. I also almost killed myself twice when I was really drunk and joked about over facebook because I was demented in the head. I don't know why I did these things. Now, I am about to start working at Barry Bagels without a car, just for something to do; without friends without a clue on where to go from here. I get driven around by my parents and feel like I'm 10 again. I meet some girl a couple months ago and broke up with her after a week because I knew I would never be as happy as I was with my ex girlfriend. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and I'm so lost now. I can't take an interest in anything but porn. Yeah, I know. It's sad. My friends all think I am an idiot who doesn't care about his future and I just woke up and realized I have ruined my life. My days have been blurred together with sleeping, sitting restless, working out, and more sitting restless. My only friends seem to be my dogs now. I keep wishing for my old highschool happy life back but I know that can't happen. I want a re-do with the past two years. I'm 20 and don't have anything to show for it. At least I have my family, but they can't relate. Everyone in my family is intelligent and has a good life; but me. I think about suicide everyday but can't go on with it. I just want to know how to fix my life, but it seems hopeless. I talk with my ex everyday but keep talking about all the negatives. She is the only person I talk to because she says I'm her best friend but I never see her and I live a half mile away from her. I'm just so lost and would just like some support/ help on what to do with my life. I know it's all my fault. I took everything for granted and that made me lose everything. I know it's a lot, but I just need someone to talk to...doctors and psychologists haven't helped.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2012
  2. ACPhilosopher

    ACPhilosopher Active Member

    Getting over a break-up is hard, but sooner or later, each and every one of us has to face the fact that we are traveling on our own unique trajectory through life. Many people will come and go and keep us company temporarily along the way, but the only person who's going to be with us for the whole journey is our self.

    When you're going through a break-up, it seems that other people are not as alone as yourself, but as time goes on you will see that all relationships eventually end and that everyone has to deal with loss. I just lost my mother and sister a little over a year ago, so I know what you mean as far as just feeling like you can't go on. I have felt that way every day for a year. It's much harder than what I went through when I got divorced because when you lose family like that, they've been there your whole life. They've known you since you first opened your eyes on this planet. And especially your mother--once she's gone, no one is every going to love you that unconditionally again.

    One thing that has always helped me deal with loneliness is just to forget about myself and help others. If you have love and friendship to offer, there are plenty of people who need you on this planet. It may not be that one girl, but if you start to focus on other people besides her, eventually the pain will lessen and you'll move on with your life. Elderly people have always been a godsend for me because they are, for the most part, very easy to get along with, non-judgmental, and don't care about the trivial and superficial things that younger people care about. And they always need your help, which is a self-esteem booster.

    Wish I could help more, but those are just a couple thoughts. You've got a lot more going for you, and a lot more to offer, than you think. And there are plenty of other fish in the sea, as far as your ex-girlfriend. When you stop insisting on being loved by a particular person or getting support from a particular source, you might be surprised how much love and support come your way from unexpected places.
     
  3. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Dear Smith,

    I had untreated major depression for years and mental illness inherited from my mother. I was depressed all through high school but did not seek treatment. I was somewhat happy in college but then that ended and not one but two girlfriends moved away and I could not afford to go with them so I essentially lost them myself. I was a smoker for years to deal with my mental illness but that stops helping after a while and it finally all bubbled up this year and I became an insomniac. That coupled with all the years of untreated chemaical imbalance and I became suicidal and made a very serious attempt and damn near died. I NEVER thought I was capable of suicide and really frowned upon it. I now have to face my family friends and coworkers each and every day with them knowing all about my problems and what I did. Many have reached out to me and they have been wonderful. My point is have you tried seeking the help of psychiatrists who prescribe medication. I ignored this and that was almost a deadly mistake for me. Im not saying antidepressants are cure all because they are not. But they make a HUGE difference in correcting imbalances. If I had sought them out sooner I never would have attempted suicide and now I have to live with the regret of what I did for the rest of my life. My main point is comitting suicide will likely DESTROY the rest of your family's lives. Like totally completely. And if you survive you get to be like me a shame filled survivor who everyone pity's and worries about. Now dont think I don't ever wish for the sweet release of death but I REFUSE to ever hurt my family like that again. My friends, screw them, most were not true friends. But if you have a family or friend who really cares for you you can't do this to them. I regret what I did to myself every single day and would give anything to take it back. Just think about that and please seek help medication DOES work.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are 20 hun don't waste anymore time being depressed you go and get help now ok get on medication get therapy and show this girl you can be strong for YOU ok get the control back you want in your life by advocating for YOURSELF get help ok it is there for you Meds and therapy hun to get on a path not so dark ok hugs
     
  5. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Oh and feel free to PM me anytime
     
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