Lots of swearing

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by suicider628, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    Fucking motherfucker fucking shit asshole bitch shithead shitty fucker.

    I JUST WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

    Few months ago, i have finally got rid of suicide thoughts, or so i thought.
    Over the summer holidays, it's like i took a steep decline. I did next to nothing, sitting in front of the computer and going for aimless walks pretty much summarize it. When school finally started again, i am not doing as well as i did last sememster.

    My problems is that over these few months i have no motivation or any energy whatsoever. I sit in front of the computer playing the same games over and over again,i let the day drift by without doing much, sometime i would want to sleep and dream just so i can escape reality.

    I have also been trying to not get angry over every little things, by sometime i can't help it, i think this is due to my mom shouting at me for half of my life, i got the anger from her. I understand why she is angry, due to the fact of being a single mother and me and my brother being not the best children a parent can have. But all that changed now, we been doing our best, but she just keep pushing herself to do all the works, and when she get tired, she shout at us with random outbrust. I JUST CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE.

    Last thing is that i been unable to think positively, whenever something happen, i always come up with the negative, never the positive, if i try to think positive, i would be lying to myself.

    From having no motivation, loss of interest, getting angry easily and thinking negatively, i can only conclude i didn't got rid of depression nor stop being suicidal.

    I might not have suicidal thoughts, but i am killing myself all the same, only slowly. I have gave up on life, not wanting to do anything, not paying attention to my education, trying to escape reality by my computer. It is only a matter of time before all this adds up and i have no choice but to die again.

    I have been forcing myself to do what i am supposed to do, but unable to summon any motivation or interest. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, ALL OR NOTHING!

    I am feeling a bit better after writing this, but for how long i wonder?

    Any advices is welcome, thank you.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It sounds like the anger has built up and it's dragging you down. Do you live with your mom? How old are you? Would your mom take you to the doctor for therapy and medications?

    I think it is real important to see a doctor.

    Please keep posting here, it will help. It's not good to let the anger build up. We'll help you through it.

    :hug:
     
  3. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    Thanks.

    Anger is only part of it, determination is what i need, unless the doctor can prescribe me a bottle of will power. :blink: