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Love, Addiction and Pain

Dante

SF Supporter
#1
I have had this understanding for some time, but in pieces, and it only really came together whilst i was chatting on this sites group chat.

People don't change, once we have finished developing our personalities they are fixed, we like what we like, hate what we hate and act how we act and no matter how much people may hope or wish that we do, we dont change. Over long periods of time, with pressure or training we can appear to change, but this is temporary, and given enough time, that training will wear off and we will be right back to how we were before, I've seen it and lived it, I have put great effort into changing myself, but it isnt a one and done, it is a constant effort, if I ever stop I can feel myself slipping back into my old habits.

There are 3 exceptions to the above, and those are Love, Addiction and Pain, and the reason for this is that most stimulus in our lives happen, we deal with it emotionally, and then consign it to memory, over time those memories fade and become just records of events, the emotional resonance gone, but Love, Addiction and Pain (real pain, like the people here understand) doesnt fade, it happens, but you never finish dealing with it emotionally, it sticks with you in one form or another for the rest of your life, it colours every following event because it is part of every following event. I have felt Love, and Pain, and though I have dealt with them for the most part, every second of my life includes the left-over feelings of those events. Love has opened me up, and made me yearn for connection, Pain has softened me, and made me hope for peace, for my daily life and everyone around me, and I never stop wanting these things.

Now the way I see it, putting aside when Love goes wrong and turns into Pain or Addiction (there are other types of addiction than drugs or gambling), Love usually only changes people for the better, and Addiction generally for the worse (except of course when Addiction causes Pain etc), it is only Pain which offers the chance for choice, Pain can change you in a good way or a bad way, and it is up to us, at least in part, to decide if Pain is going to make us stronger or weaker, kinder or harder, to push forward or withdraw, Pain can define us in the most unpredictable ways, and in some ways Pain is an opportunity to truly re-invent yourself in a that way no amount of wishing or good intention on its own can accomplish.

When i was in Pain (depression, university) no matter what I did, the feeling overwhelmed everything else, (with one exception, but that's a whole other story) so if everything I did felt the same, no boredom, no frustration, no happiness, just Pain, then I may as well do things to help others where I could, because if it all hurts anyway, then no amount of inconvenience would affect me, and through the Pain I did feel the tiniest sense of validation, enough to keep me going. It is how we choose to confront pain and adapt to it that defines how that pain changes us, and all of us here have pain, which gives us all the opportunity to become better people.
 

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