Love doesn't live here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Hircine, Jul 19, 2015.

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  1. Hircine

    Hircine New Member

    I want to die because the love of my life is gone. Im 21 and have never had a reason to live although last year I found one the love of my life but she is no longer around because she tried to take her life. Although she survived there was a lasting effect, she devoloped long term amnesia and lost all recollection of among other things me. Every attempt i made to win her back was met with a cold gaze as one would give to the unwanted attention of a stranger. Its been a year since that event and things have only gotten worse. She will no longer attempt to speak with me even blocking me on social media sites stating she barely remembers working with me (however unethical i was her trainer when we met). I took temporary solace in reconnecting with my two estranged brothers whom i moved in with shortly thereafter but that also took a turn for the worse. Since I moved in ive gone terribly depressive and suicidal over that ex-fiancé even threatening the lives of those nearest and dearest to my heart my two loving brothers. Today i was told that although i may visit if im given permission but may not live in this residence any longer (Take into mind that I have either chased off or been abondoned by every person that has ever been near to me starting when my abusive father left at age six. Also that this is not the first suicidal period ive had nor the first time ive attempted and failed although i hope to succeed using a better method this time). The question Ipose is this:wha reason do i have to live
  2. RandomL

    RandomL Member

    Welcome to SF.

    The forum has many resources where you can let out things that are built up. It sounds like this has been making you feel progressively worse over time. Losing loved ones is hard enough; a loved one who doesn't remember you is an entirely different story. I can't imagine how painful it feels; I'm around if you ever need to talk about it.

    I hope that the forum proves useful for you.
  3. Your story has truly moved me. Being someone who is naturally emotional even thinking about it pulls at my heart strings; I could only ever imagine what pain you are, and have been, going through. I won't tell you how you'll find someone else to love or how life is dandy because I'm sure people who don't understand depression the you that all the time. Nonetheless, I would be more than please to talk or simply listen when you feel alone and bottled up.
  4. MaddScott

    MaddScott Member

    I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. the lesson I learn from your fiancée is how much pain suicide and suicide attempts bring to others. In this case,her attempt was fatal to your relationship. Please don't let it be fatal to your life! You are young and can have a very different future from the past that you've known!
    You are a trainer and can help people have a better life. Let someone help you! I am fighting thoughts of suicide everyday, so I know a little bit about this from firsthand! Don't trainers tell people to push through the pain? You must do that for the pain in your life, because I really believe a happy future is possible. Allow me to help in any way I can! Maybe you can be my online trainer and I can be there to listen to you when you feel alone?
  5. Arasia

    Arasia New Member

    I honestly don't know. I am trying to find one myself. Everyday it gets harder, but for some reason I am still here. But, you are here to. And maybe your story will give someone hope. You help people at a trainer, you give them a reason to move forward, and support them doing so, and that takes a certain talent not everyone has.
    There's part of a reason, another reason is your brothers. You would be taking away someone they love, and will miss. And I am sure there are more. I very much hope the very best for you.
  6. suicidalfish

    suicidalfish Active Member

    Because you might find someone who's better than her and if you take your life you'll never know. I thought I found the love of my life and she dumped me because I'm an asshole and I thought my life was over then I found another girl who I thought was the love of my life and was so much better and she dumped me again because I'm an asshole. Notice a pattern here? I sure do. Anyway, I wanted to kill myself over this, especially the second time but I mean do you really want this girl to have so much power over you? I know I sure as hell didn't. And I just hope that one day I will find someone who is better and who truly does love me for who I am and I know now that how not to behave like an asshole. I am sorry that this happened to you but you can't be too codependent on someone. You'll prob meet someone else man. I know it's rough though and easier said then done. I know I'm a dude, but you can talk to me anytime if that helps… even though I know you won't, you can :).
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