And as for love as a whole,the very complete thing you seem to not be experienced enough to know if you are feeling it or not,well that is love,everything plus confusion.
I am not sure if you were referring to me. Its a tad bit presumptuous to assume I don't have any experience. I would say, with a whack of lovers, 7 boyfriends, 3 serious committed long-term relationships, my best friend and lover dying of brain cancer on me and one husband of 8 years, I have some mileages under my belt. I would infer that your confusion comes from lacking a frame of reference, not knowing what the real deal looks and feels like. Actually, when I finally met the right guy, it was not confusing at all, either for me or for him. It was all very simple, and still is. We took a bet that what we shared was enough to build a life. And simple does not mean easy. When you both look at each other over the breakfast table, wondering if it was worth leaving your family, your friends, your career, your home, so that you could build a life together, if love justifies all those sacrifices, you can still answer yes, but you cant say, this was a walk in the park. When your partner gave up his home for you, and you left yours and your career for him, maybe that's not love deep enough for you, because one is not waking up every day in despair or crazy with lust, but it sure is just enough for me. I really don't need for John to write me poems about how much it hurts to love me when he sold his beautiful house in California, left his business, to move in the boondocks of Canada, in a 600 people remote fishing community to be with me. And after 4 years of him being miserable there, when I left my permanent professional job to find a place where we could be both happy, I expect him to get the point that I care deeply about him without me rolling on the floor, pulling my hair of, crying that if he dies its all over for me. Love is as love does, not as it feels in the moment. And true love always enriches you, never diminishes you, even when its painful. If you care for somebody, you want them free of being with you by choice. How can you pretend you care about someone if you tell that person: without you I will be miserable, desperate, I wont make it? What a freaking burden to dump on somebody shoulders. Sorry, but that's BS. What you say, and mean it when you do is: I will miss you, I am sad you left me, you died, you don't want to commit, but I will be okay, my life has been better by knowing you.
No matter how difficult it could be at some times, and unrequited love always is, I never perceived myself as a victim, only as learning some of life most difficult lessons. When one is rejected, and suffers, what is the pain really about? Loneliness, fear of abandonment, insecurities, all of that get mixed up and at the end of the day, you just don't know if you truly miss the person you thought you loved or its just the illusion that suddenly all your emotional and physical wants would be filled by that person that got shattered. Intensity of emotions does not necessarily translate into depth of emotions. If you take rejection as a reflection of your worth, you don't really miss the real person, but the validation that person gives you. It still hurts, but it has everything to do with you, and nothing with the person you feel you love. Lust is intense, but it usually is not deep or lasting. Every year my rams, when breeding season arrives, turn half-insane chasing the ewes. While it lasts, nothing else exists but lust. When its over, they much prefer hanging with their buddies and the ewes go their merry way, pregnant and busy taking care of their lambs. Not a very strong basis for committed relationships. Geese and wolves mate for life. And 90% of their life is taking care of their offspring together. That being said, I still don't know much about love and I expect more surprises down the line. I am just sorting through the jumble of my life to make sense of it without much illusions that I will figure out anything. At the heart of every significant relationship, there is always an element of mystery. As Montaigne wrote a long time ago:
"If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer: because it was he, because it was I."