Love Kills....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Intoxicating Memory, Jun 11, 2008.

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  1. Hey everyone. The names Tyler. Most call me Tye though. I'm 21, and I live in the U.S. That's as far as we'll go into detail.

    Well, my therapist and doctors suggested I come here, to vent my feelings. I tried to kill myself on December 30th. Why that date? It was someone's birthday, whom I loved... Well, love.

    We've had a rough past. Many ups and downs. But isn't that how every relationship goes? True, our relationship wasn't like most... I mean the age difference was huge, but hey, age is just a number. We really had something. Or so I thought.

    My lover ripped out my heart. I wanted her to take me back... I truely loved her. I knew the connection was there.. But she refused. She said she hated me... that I was sick and twisted. All of those things hurt me so deeply.. I had no idea how I could live without her in my life. She was my everything.

    So I decided to take my life away, in hopes that she could live more happily. So on her beloved birthday, I slit my wrists up. I cut them into smitherines... Yet here I am today...

    Stupid sisters... My sister Ryan came in my room and found me. I was admitted to the Mental Hospital. I don't even want to talk about that place...

    Anyway. Now that I think about it.. it's her fault. If she would've just taken me back... everything would've been fine. But she was selfish. And wouldn't do it.

    So here I am. Stuck in this. Still in love. Still in pain. Still wishing revenge. But of course, we can't always have what we want know can we...
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Know exactly where you're at.
    Have had something very similar happen and two years on I still don't seem to have recovered.
    I don't love him any more but the hurt he inflicted seems to have left a wound that will not heal.
    Shards of past conversations pop into my head without any warning and leave me floored.
    Can tell you it does get a little easier, at least I don't miss him anymore.
    And you have youth on your side and will meet someone new. :hug:
  3. I could meet someone new.. but that's just it. She's the one.... I can feel it. It's like we have this connection. She knows how I am, and I know how she is... She loves me. She's forgiven me for the unforgivable.. I know it's love.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can understand how you feel, but please don't place the blame on her. Yes, things may have been different had she taken you back, but what if she was unhappy. Would you still want to be with her knowing that? There are always "what ifs" in our lives. It does no good to dwell on them. We have to accept the past for what it is---the past. That is so difficult sometimes. You are still young and have lots of time ahead of you. Maybe there is someone out there that is even more perfect for you. Please don't give up. You may never forget, but the pain will dull as time passes.
  5. I wish that were true... But I know she is the one.... She made me happy. We were a perfect pair. I could make her laugh so much... I just, wish she would listen to me. I've changed. I'm better than ever before. But still, nothing.
  6. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    There was someone I knew who I loved very much and they eventually just stopped talking to me, very similar to your current problem. Until recently I've had mixed feelings about this person. I still love them very much but I have blamed them many times for my depression and problems. I eventually gave my head a shake and realized that if I really loved this person I would let them live their life without me if that's what it takes to make them happy.

    Unrequited love is a terrible thing...but in the end if you love this girl you need to just let her go her own way if that's what she thinks will make her happy. Maybe she'll be happy doing that, maybe she'll be unhappy and realize that she made a mistake, who knows.

    I'm not sure what to tell you when it comes to your own unhappiness. I am in the same boat right now, I've let the person I love go because they're happy being with someone else and are now leading a normal life. I am still incredibly unhappy and wish things could have been different. I still reserve hope that there's someone out there that can return those kinds of feelings towards me. There has to be other people out there for you. Just give it time.
  7. She thinks she's happy.. But she was so happy when I made her laugh.. I've never seen her that happy. I know, that when she was with me.. I could make her feel anything. I could give her the happiness she needs.

    But she's shutting me out... She won't even let me visit her.
  8. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I can't really say anything for sure since I don't know you personally and I don't know all the details about what has happened between you two...but I would say you should just give her space. Let her try this her own way. Assume that she's right and that she's happy being apart.

    I know it's a hard thing to do, but don't you want her to be happy if you love her? Do you think she'd be happy if she found out you had killed yourself?

    If she is saying she does not want to talk to you right now, then it can only make things worse to keep trying to contact her. If you want, you can try to leave a note or something to tell her that you still love her if she ever changes her mind. It sucks, I know. Love is something that can bring so much pleasure to someone's life and also cause so much pain. Despite this, if you give it time, I am confident you can move on. I believe in your ability to find happiness in your life.
  9. I just need her so baddly.. I've been all about her the whole time... Never asking for anything... This is why I say she's being selfish. She's careing only about herself, after I've given so much. She still isn't careing. I just.. I need her. She knows it too.. She's killing me and she knows it... She loves me.. I know she does. I feel it. She's had her space ever since I've tried to kill myself. Six months ago... I've sacrificed all that. Yet still, nothing.
  10. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I hear you, man. The person I love wouldn't even visit me in the hospital when I attempted a year ago. To me that confirmed that they wanted nothing to do with me and that they were happier being on their own. So I let them go.

    It's the hardest thing for someone to do, but it sounds like this is maybe the best thing you can do for her. I think you just need to let her go and move on. I realize it's easier said than done, but if your love is not returned you're only going to make yourself feel worse by pursuing it while she's acting like this.

    And death is certainly not the answer...there are other people out there. I realize it may feel right now that this is the only girl for you and there's no one else that can love you, but time can heal all wounds. There's no telling what can happen in the next ten years for you. Looking at the big picture, you're still incredibly young and have so much life ahead of you. Anything can happen.
  11. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i agree completely
    i got fucked up by this kid Max Brown
    in November of 2007
    and im still not fully over

    i just posted a new reply on my thread
    its about him and its how i feel
    i think that you should take a look
    at what i feel

    this wound will here
    you have people one the forum who are willing to help
    and maybe this girl will come to her senses
    and see you one last time before letting go
    but dont force her to, i bet she has
    a lot going on in her mind too
    even if she doesnt tell you.
  12. A lot could happen, true. But she's the one. I know it... The way things worked. No one would be like her... the way things went between us, it was amazing. I enjoyed every minute of it. The things that happened... her reactions.. Just kept me constantly going. She knows it too. I know it may not seem like it, but she needs me. And I need her... I need her more than anything.
  13. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    if you love her as much as you say
    then let her do whats right for her
    i mean
    thats what id do.
  14. I'm what's right for her. That's just the thing. She is being to stubborn... She knows she loves me. She's just afraid of love.
  15. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew what to say. Inside I feel the exact same way you do about the person I love. All I can say is don't give up on your life...
  16. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel was with my ex for 6 years then she tells me she isn't happy anymore. It gets better with time not saying that it completely goes away because to be honest I don't think the pain completely goes away but it does get easier. Sometimes I wish I had succeeded in my attempts just to show that bitch how much she hurt me.

    She even told me she still loved me a month ago then I tried to talk to her again she was soo cold towards me like she hated me I tried soo hard to get her back but nothing worked. It gets better don't give up. She says shes happy now and thats all I really wanted for her so I am just letting her live her life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2008
  17. I know she isn't happy. She needs me. I know it's hard to understand.. but I know she needs me. I just know it.
  18. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I felt that way about a girl before.
    But the harsh reality is that you do not need each other. If you were not together again, you could be happy, and same with her. If it's meant to be, you'll be back, but if not, you will not die from not being with each other.
    If you feel like you need someone else, you will always end up hurt. Because you can never truly "have" someone.
  19. I need her. Despite what you say, I do need her. It's impossible without her. No one was like her.. she was always so understanding.
  20. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What's impossible? Life?
    Well you are not together now. You are still breathing aren't you?
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