Love struck - no idea how to proceed :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by 2-D, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    recently - a new person (female) started at the charity shop I volunteer at, and at first I thought she was like drop dead georgeous (sp?) and over the next couple of shifts we were working together, and untill i talked to a mate about this when it dawned on my that i was (at the least) crushing on her in a fairly big way, but the problems that i have and thus not sure how to proceed are:

    1) she says ahe aint lookin for a relationship atm
    2) If i do suddenly tell her how i feel, but she dont feel the same, i dont want things to become arkward between us cause we get along well and have a laugh (and we have to work together - so on that basis i am stuck as well)

    and one or two other small things (dont want to mention them as i am not one for washing ones laundary in public, so to speak

    so what do i do and how do i do it?

    sorry for the rambling

    thanks in advance
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    You're answer lies in what you have said. If she isn't looking for a relationship then you shouldn't pursue her, or tell her how you feel. Just stay friends, be happy with it, and leave it at that.
  3. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Stay friends with her don't push her she said she isn't looking atm so take her at her word and don't force her into a corner let it progress at it's own pace and don't force your feelings on her. You never know it may happen anyway so fingers crossed for ya.
  4. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for ur replies - I can understand where you are both coming from - but the thing is this whole thing is starting to eat me up from the inside, is there anyway i can sort of kill of these 'more then friend' feelings and just get it over with? cause this aint fun (dunno if its sposed to be or not) i aint a drinker and i dont do drugs (more fool me i guess) so i guess for now its just a 'try and hang on' thing?
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Honestly- just become better friends with her. Isn't that enough?

    I guess what you mean is-- you feel like you *must* tell her how you feel, yes?
    You can tell her that she is pretty without telling her that you're madly in love with her- but if she isn't interested in a relationship right now, it might scare her away or make her act differently around you.
    I can tell you from experience that knowing that a friend is into you can definitely put a weird pressure on the friendship and make her want to run away.
    Do you know why she isn't looking for a relationship?
    Perhaps she is still broken up about a past relationship (like I am) and has no interest or trust in men/women/either/whatever/lol.
    If you are friends with her and strengthen your relationship-- then romance can grow eventually; when she is ready for it.

    If you just need to get it out- you could try sending her gifts as a secret admirer? (nothing like-- stalkerish creepy... because that is just working backwards. lol)
    You could tell your friends, or your close family members about your feelings?
    you could become a masked crusader and when she falls in love with this mystery superhero- reveal to her your true self!! haha...I've been reading too many comics lately. clearly.
  6. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    Yeah - sorry, not being too clear on what i meant but yes thats what i meant
    yeah, this is where i now go in to the fact that im not comfortable with just saying things like that with out blushing or anything - and being the cynical person i am, cannot stop trying to figure out if she thinks i am up to something or not (it that makes any sence)
    Yes, that is what im worried about, we get along great - a good laugh and just feel (somewhat, with out the wanting to tell her how i feel) at ease talkin to her (got a fair amount of stuff in commen)

    Part of the reason, but not all of it, and when i think of how to ask her about the parts im not sure of, i again, against my will start trying to figure out what she is thinking about why im asking such questions - but the main part comes under the 'not wanting to wash laundary in public' thing in my first post
    I guess that is all i can do, if anything would happen
    thats an idea, but subtly has never been part of my nature - im more the 'sarcastic/obvious' type person :(
    Yeah, ive been talking to my best mate about this - but it has not helped, and my family is the last option i would take, cause i dont know why, but when i can help it i prefer to keep myself to myself, even where family is concerned - but i feel 100% at ease talkin to my mate about it, but its not enough :(
    yeah - thats what i would most likely do, accept i dont have any qualities that make me a super hero :(

    sorry, im not trying to be rude or contradictary (cant even tell if i am half the time) just trying to explain things a bit clearer

    and thank you for the reply
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    lol- it's okay~
    Whatever you decide to do though; don't regret your decision!
    Be 100% clear with yourself and if it is meant to happen, it will happen.

    I'll cross my fingers for you! :D
  8. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    Thank you KittyGirl, i would perhaps need a couple of years to be 5% clear of what i want to do (near enough everyone i meet will tell you after a day or two that i am one of the most indecisive people they have ever met) and since this is a new thing for me :nerves: i just dunno how to handel this, so maybe getting smashed would be good and not good (good as it will provide some time with out having to think about this) and bad cause ive not drank at all (alcholic drinks i mean) in my life and anything as 180 as this would draw un wanted attention :(
  9. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I would continue being friends with her and getting to know each other better, when she's ready for a relationship then see how things go.
    For now be patient! :)
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I have always been one to settle for less. It is better to have her as a friend then to not have her in any respect. Just become her best friend. The closer you get to her, the more she will want to have a relationship with you.

    At least that is what I have been advised to do. Have fun, and you can eventually get with her.
  11. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    good advice stay friends, it may blossom given time.

    i made the serious mistake of falling in love, it has destroyed me far more than anything else has, rejection can scars you deep.

    But if you must try, read a bit of advice from WB Yeats

    Never give all the heart, for love
    Will hardly seem worth thinking of
    To passionate women if it seem
    Certain, and they never dream
    That it fades out from kiss to kiss;
    For everything that's lovely is
    But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.
    O never give the heart outright,
    For they, for all smooth lips can say,
    Have given their hearts up to the play.
    And who could play it well enough
    If deaf and dumb and blind with love?
    He that made this knows all the cost,
    For he gave all his heart and lost.
  12. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    thank you for ur responses, now perhaps a impossible question - but is there any quick way for me to obliterate these feelings? cause this thing is eating me up faster then i can out run it :( it aint good
  13. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    make yourself unavailable (diff shifts, always be busy and keep the convos short and distant, talk about utter crap ex reality tv) so you aren't forced to face the feelings.

    I find exercise (callisthenics walks swimming and only a little weights, perhaps yoga) and healthy eating (very little meat mostly fresh fruit veg water vits and lean white meat) helps, it even may be your salvation.

    As your body gets stronger and more nourished you will naturally feel better and hence more likely to be genuinely attractive.

    i believe if u learn to love yourself others will want to gat in on the act
  14. Milburn

    Milburn New Member

    I think you need to give some gifts and then propose her....
  15. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    Yeah, out of sight out of mind works well, specially if i exhurt myself with marathon game sessions and stuff - but when i had a shift with her today, it just came flooding back, just tried to keep myself away from her, but if anyone asks (doubt they will) i can just blame my tiredness (quite noticable over last couple of weeks)

    And Milburn, welcome to the forum - but i somehow thats not going to work...
  16. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    Sort of a diffrent point of view but My husband and I were friends for a year. Good friends, but I realized I had stronger feelings for him. So I took the plunge and asked him out. (he was four years older then I was) I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if. It doesn't always work out, but somethimes it does.
  17. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    There are probably two ways being friends may be:

    1. She may have time to spend with you as friends. That is a good situation.

    2. Or she may not have time for friends with her busy lifestyle. And almost no one spends time with her.

    So just be happy being friends. And you can still spend time with her.
  18. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    After some thought and consideration, i believe this to be nothing more then a lost cause, and since I do not have the same shifts as her its a case of 'out of sight out of mind' issue till this is locked up in the box (with in my mind) where I lock all my pain and hurt away, though it does sometimes over flow from time to time, need a bigger box

    Thank you for the time you have spent giving me advice and reading this thread