Love sucks..bad.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ScorchedInBlack, Oct 3, 2007.

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  1. ScorchedInBlack

    ScorchedInBlack Active Member

    I've gone six months without cutting and I am very proud of myself..
    what it took for me to give it up was letting go of relationships and being there for myself and not others like I should have been all along.
    Through the summer I fell in love with a person on this board and now our relationships has diminshed and it is leading me back to the feeling to cut. Shortly after school began I got a boyfriend his name is Keith and he is completly awesome I love him so much and its really hard for me to see him flirting and talking to other girls because I can't take it it makes me feel ugly and that makes me feel like cutting...really bad. I got rid of all of the intruments that i used over the summer but last week I went and bought some razorblades from Staples. I keep two in my locker and one in my car and everytime I think of him there isn't a warm fuzzy feeling anymore there's a feeling to go cut in the bathroom and i don't know what to do about it. I don't want to let the relationship go because he has made me love and appreciate myself and I have a severe fear of detachment but he's starting to ignore me more and talk to his ex's more I was going to talk to him this morning but he's not here so I don't know what to do. Right now all I can feel is the urge to cut and i haven't felt it for so long its really hard to deal. I almost didn't make it to school because i was thinking about it and got upset and let my car cross the center line in front of a semi...he knows how I used to be..I don't think he really knows what it means when he says I love you.

    I don't want to cut because I wasn't ready to deal but I think I have too.
  2. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    you dont have to cut... you were doing ok, dont let him get to you like that. some men can be such shmucks! you shouldnt be with someone that makes you feel the need to cut. i was with a guy that nearly destroyed me, i couldnt take that feeling anymore and i left, even tho that nearly killed me too but i became stronger. i didnt trust anyone for a long time. i now have the utmost trust in my boyfriend which took some time to do, i guess it was a lot of factors, but it happened.
    if you need to talk just pm me
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