I've gone six months without cutting and I am very proud of myself.. what it took for me to give it up was letting go of relationships and being there for myself and not others like I should have been all along. Through the summer I fell in love with a person on this board and now our relationships has diminshed and it is leading me back to the feeling to cut. Shortly after school began I got a boyfriend his name is Keith and he is completly awesome I love him so much and its really hard for me to see him flirting and talking to other girls because I can't take it it makes me feel ugly and that makes me feel like cutting...really bad. I got rid of all of the intruments that i used over the summer but last week I went and bought some razorblades from Staples. I keep two in my locker and one in my car and everytime I think of him there isn't a warm fuzzy feeling anymore there's a feeling to go cut in the bathroom and i don't know what to do about it. I don't want to let the relationship go because he has made me love and appreciate myself and I have a severe fear of detachment but he's starting to ignore me more and talk to his ex's more I was going to talk to him this morning but he's not here so I don't know what to do. Right now all I can feel is the urge to cut and i haven't felt it for so long its really hard to deal. I almost didn't make it to school because i was thinking about it and got upset and let my car cross the center line in front of a semi...he knows how I used to be..I don't think he really knows what it means when he says I love you. I don't want to cut because I wasn't ready to deal but I think I have too.