love sucks big time.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by sheslostcontrol, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. sheslostcontrol

    sheslostcontrol New Member

    this is driving me crazy. i'm not sure this is the right place to post this but gaaaah i need to talk about it. with someone who doesn't know me, or him, or any of the people involved. and since all my friends know me, or him, or the other people involved, it's pretty hard to do that.

    i'm in love with my best friend. i don't know what to do. we are really really close, we're always together and when we're not, we're talking via msn or text messages. ALL THE TIME. i adore him. but for the past month, all we seem to do is fight. and i don't know how to make things right.

    here's the thing, in october we had sex. it just kinda happened, we weren't expecting it at all. we went out, it was my birthday, and by the end of the night we were making out. the following day i went over to his place so we could talk about it, and he said it was a mistake, and that we're just friends. i agreed with him. but then later that day, we had sex. it just happened. i stayed over, which had happened many times already, we'd sleep in his bed and just cuddle. only this time, when i went to bed i thought he was asleep already and tried to make as little noise as possible, but turns out he was still awake. we hugged, and somehow kissed, and after a while, we were having sex. i think i don't even have to tell you how awkward it was for both of us the following day. i know he talked to a friend of his saying that he thinks i like him but he only likes me a friend. he doesn't know i know this, though. this was over a month ago.

    around that time, i saw his ex girlfriend online with a very depressing msn name, so i went to talk to her, just to tell her to cheer up. i didn't mean to start being friends with her. but she asked me to meet for coffee because she needed someone to talk to, and i agreed. suddenly, i became one of her best friends. needless to say, he didn't like this at all. we start fighting a lot, and the one person helping me through all this fighting was her, so i owe her a lot. and she needs me, she's struggling, she's lost, last week she came to me with her arm all cut. she needs someone.

    eventually, me and he worked it out, and stopped fighting (after the biggest fight in history). we agreed we both liked each other too much for this to happen, we're like best friends, we couldn't let this stuff come between us.
    this was almost 2 weeks ago. we went out with a friend, just the 3 of us, and drank a lot. well, i drank a lot. we missed the bus home, so i stayed over at his place once again. i thought it was okay, since we'd worked things out and we both had learned from our past mistakes. i was so sleepy that when i got there, i just took my pants off and got into bed and said goodnight. he joined me in bed about 10 minutes later, i was already falling asleep. suddenly i feel his hand on my arm, and then leg, and we cuddled. we kissed, again, and had sex, again. only this time it wasn't awkward. it was okay the following day, we talked about it a lot over the weekend, and on monday we went shopping together and had dinner at the mall. we talked about it, and we both pretty much hinted that we'd like it to happen again. we both said we wanted it, and we both said it'll happen again.

    i've been feeling like crap lately. he is, too. for various reasons not necessarily related to this. yesterday i told him i was afraid of losing him and he got pretty mad at me. he said that for all we'd been through together, for a whole summer of talking to each other constantly (and almost not talking to anyone else), how could i think that. it's like i insulted him. but i'm insecure, i always am, i need people to tell me that they like me, or that they need me.

    i don't know if he still thinks i'm in love with him or not. i guess he must know, it's pretty obvious for anyone around us. all our friends think we have some sort of secret relationship which really, is kinda true for the part of having had sex twice. but everyone around us, even people who don't know us well or who have just met up, they all ask us if we're boyfriend and girlfriend, and they all say it's clear for anyone to see that we like each other that way. i dunno, i mean, i do, but he's still a little hung up on his ex, the one i'm friends with now. it's not like he still likes her, but he's still hurt for the things she did to him.

    alright so i realise you have better things to do, and my problems are not even that big, but this is driving me nuts. really, it is. i started doing stuff to myself again. i'm insanely jealous of some of his friends, though i try not to show it because i know i don't have the right to.but this is driving me nuts and i don't know what to do.

    both last night and today all he says to me is that he's really sad as a result of our conversation when i told him i was feeling down and afraid to lose him as a friend. he says he wasn't expecting that and that he hasn't felt this sad for a long time.

    i cannot lose him. i just cannot. i couldn't bear it. he's too important to me, as a friend. i need him. he's been my support for the past 6 months. we're always there for each other, 24/7, and i need it to stay that way. i can't bear the thought of him being sad because of something i said to him.
    i can't take it anymore. it's been like this for too long. i've been in love with him since august. all this is driving me nuts.

    thank you for reading, really.
    any advice? :please:
  2. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    The fact that he got mad about you worrying about losing him, is a clear sign he loves you. I would get mad, as well, to be quite honest. You need to stop thinking about losing him, because doing so may just make it happen. Furthermore, I must strongly recommend against you being friends with an ex of his that has hurt him. That's just not something you can do. You have to cease your friendship with her, or else it won't go well.

    I wish you the best.