It's okaii. I'm really sorry she made you feel like a horrible person. I dont think you're horrible for falling in love and then expressing your pain. If she was truly a friend she wouldn't lead you on or lie to you. I think that she's the one the needs to apologize to you. Sometimes I feel like just ending my life too but then I think about all the other people that I would be hurting. She isn't worth it. Someday the right person will come along and make you happy so just hang on, don't end your life just cause one girl couldnt appreciate what she could have had. 