Love = Troubled Soul

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lyra2105, Jan 16, 2011.

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  1. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    Dear readers,
    I’m a 19 year old female student. And I seek help from you, because I’ve got no money to pay somebody to listen to me.
    I’m not lesbian, I know that for sure, and neither is the person involved in this story. Despite this fact, I think we probably fell in love with each other some time ago. But let me tell you the whole story.
    I met her on September 2009, but we didn’t begin to talk seriously until the beginning of 2010. When we began talking, we discovered we had many things in common. We enjoyed the same music, had similar experiences in the past and shared many aspects of our personality. We thought we were twin souls. It was amazing.
    The real story, however, began in May. We chatted a lot through MSN and, as a joke, we began to pretend that we were dating. It turned out to be awkward and fun at the same time. We began to say beautiful things to each other and laughed at all the problems love usually brings. We had a nice time. But things began to run out of control.
    Final exams were coming, and we decided to meet every day to study. As days went by, we began to realize that we missed each other when we parted (we live in different cities). Text messages came and went every time we were apart, and we began to spend more and more time chatting. We sat at the university gardens, where no one watched us, and cuddled and held hands. We didn’t know what it was, but it was beautiful.
    Exams ended and summer came. We met several times throughout summer. She invited me to her house, and I spent two nights there. And on the first night I decided to do something I had in mind for some time ago: I gave her a peck. It was nothing more than that, but it shocked her. She also enjoyed it. We spent the rest of the night and the next one cuddling, hugging, holding hands and saying beautiful things to each other. I keep beautiful memories of that night.
    We went on a little trip two weeks later. Four days. We spent all nights as the past ones, as if we were lovebirds. But the last night, she decided to kiss me. A real kiss. Our first one. It was a wonderful feeling.
    The trip ended, and summer too, but that summer has definitely been the best one in my life. I discovered many things with her, and it was beautiful. MSN chats became love stories. We only talked about how we missed and loved each other. She even told me she was in love with me, but I still don’t if that was a joke.
    Be as it may, lessons began once again. We found a lone place at university where we could hide. And we hid there every time we could. And kissed each other for hours. We just kissed, but it was perfect. We needed each other.
    But one day, things began to cool down. She began to feel less interested in hiding, but I needed that and I asked her every time. It was hard for me to convince her, but when she agreed she had fun too. Anyway, I felt like our story was drawing to an end, that our particular summer in middle autumn was over, and I began to feel depressed. She finally told me she was tired of all this, and that she wanted some time. She thought this was becoming a routine, and she didn’t like that. I felt heartbroken, but I accepted her decision. The lovebirds were gone, the beautiful chats and text messages were gone too. I became officially depressed. I cried every time. I even thought I could kill myself. I began to live a Hell. I missed her a lot, and I couldn’t bear it.
    Christmas came, and during holidays there was some school work we had to finish. I invited her to my house. And it happened, once again. We watched a movie until midnight, and when it finished, she kissed me. And that night went just like the old times. I felt happy once again. We kissed and cuddled the following morning too, and I felt like if it was summer once again.
    But she left, and happiness lasted for a few days. She turned cold once again, and my depression came back.
    Things haven’t improved since then. I cry almost every day for her, and the stress and failed exams of my university degree don’t help much. I feel like I want to die, like something is eating me, and I can’t take It no more. I came crying to her, seeking a comfort which she has never denied to me, but I know she is tired of my depression to. I don’t wanna lose her friendship, but I fear I might. My friends don’t care about me. I feel lost, alone, and I don’t know what to do.
    I PLEASE ASK FOR HELP. Thank you very much and thanks for reading.
    FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME: lyra2105@gmail.com

    PS: Sorry for my bad English
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it is so sad when we love someone and devote our caring and it is not returned....please know there are so many of us who understand this feeling...and continue to share with us what is going on for you...welcome again, J
     
  3. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    i think it's good that you're not bothering yourself with labeling your love. but you should have a real talk with her, to figure out what exactly she's thinking, how she's feeling about it all. if there is still love between you two, you should try to get her to talk and if all goes well-get her back.

    (welcome btw :) )
     
  4. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    Thank you very much, Sadeyes. I really need support during these times I'm living right now. Feel free to email me if you want.

    Thanks for replying, Romancer. I've tried to talk with her several times, but she's really not that sentimental, and it's hard for her to understand how I'm feeling. When it all began, the magic of it all changed her, and she was caring and loving. But now, things have cooled down and she can't fully understand how I long for those days. I think she still loves me, but not the same way as she used to. I really feel blue...

    Thanks again for your kind reply. Feel free to contact me if you wish.
     
  5. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    First of all, apart from the current problem as to why you are posting, this is pretty much the sweetest post i have ever read and you two sound adorable ^__^
    ...

    Now..
    Ok, i am not saying you are gay or anything...but obviously there is something going on between you two. The fact that you start off with saying that you are both not lesbians stands out to me....Is there a chance that she has withdrawn from you because she is conflicted about her feelings for you?
     
  6. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    Well, thanks for you reply, Domo, and for all the flattering! For me, in fact, this story is sweet.

    I begin claryfing that matter so that nobody questions whether we are lesbians or not. I understand that the story, all in all, sounds pretty much like lesbian stuff, and that's why I rule out such idea from the very beginning. I don't blame you for thinking that we might be. I would have done it too. But believe me, this is not our case.

    And, as for your other question, I don't think she's withdrawn from me because of that. I think she's just tired of me being all day over her, and she wants some space for her. I've noticed that problem some time ago, and I know I have to change that, but I don't know how. I've developed a need for her, and I must learn to live my own life with her, but I can't. That's one of the reasons why I'm depressed and why I'm seeking for advice.

    If you think you can help me, contact me whenever you want. And thanks one more time for your reply ^^
     
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    So your love and kissing is purely platonic?

    I guess i just have never kissed anyone that i didn't have any interest in romatically, so that's why i am a bit confused.
     
  8. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    You can say platonic if you want xD

    Obviously there's love and trust between each other, but I don't think it's the same love couples feel. I think we love each other as friends, but we wanted to go a bit further. We may behave like if we were dating, but we're nothing more than friends. This is something we keep in mind at all times.

    The point here, as I said before, is that I have to learn to live "without" her, but I don't know how. I looking for help in that matter.
     
  9. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    What makes you think it's not the same kind of love that couples can share? Have you been in a relationship before?

    Have you ever wanted it to go further then the kissing?

    I'm not questioning you, i'm just honestly having trouble understanding.

    You can see how normal friends don't kiss and stuff yeah? I can understand the hugs and kisses on the cheeks....but friends don't kiss for hours on end..
     
  10. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    I've never been on a relationship before, but I know what we are. We don't consider ourselves a couple. I think we were just exploring new feelings. But don't want to go further than kissing. We're not lesbians, as I said before.

    We could spend hours kissing because the feeling's great and because we like to be with each other. It's awkward, I know, but it's also the truth. We don't pretend to be anything more than friends. And I'm just trying to learn how to be less dependent on her, because it's difficult to live when you have a constant feeling of longing inside.
     
  11. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    if you don't want to be anything more than friends, do you ever feel jealous, or can you imagine her being with another person romantically involved?
     
  12. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    I would feel jealous, but just because I've the flaw of being jealous with everything. Also, if there was someone else, our fun would end because she'd be with another person.

    I still insist that I only wanna be friends with her, and if she ever meets somebody else, I'll wish her the best of luck so that she can be happy with the person she loveds, as long as she invited me for dinner from time to time! xD
     
  13. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Do you want to be with anyone else? I mean if a guy came along would you bandon your kissing sessions with her?
     
  14. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    Of course. I don't think my/her possible boyfriend would enjoy knowing that I'm/she's kissing with somebody else.

    It's a matter of respect.
     
  15. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    if you only want to be friends with her, then i'm sure you can be. it could be that your friend thinks you want more, or simply needs more space and the relationship will return to the way it was before.
     
  16. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    I think she just needs some space, and I've got to learn to give that space to her. It's hard, though...

    Thanks for all your replies!
     
  17. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Lyra,

    This is my two grains of salt, so take it for what it's worth. First, don't kid yourself about your feelings. You don't have to be honest with her, but you have to be with yourself. The feelings you describe having for her have all the characteristics of romantic love. Heterosexuals usually feel this kind of attraction for the other sex, but it can also happen that they meet somebody of the same sex they feel enough for to be attracted physically. In any case, the problem, if the love is not shared by both partners, is the same. And to be honest there is no easy solution to it. You both crossed a line which, IMO, makes friendship almost impossible. The best for both is usually to cut contact completely, at least for a while. Very few people can manage to salvage a friendship out of this kind of deal. The longer this situation last, the harder it will be for you. And the more you will destroy your chances because sooner or later, bitterness, conflict and pain will overwhelmed the positive. I am sure you do not like what I am writing. Your friend need her space, and if there is any chance for your relationship in the future, you must give her not only all the space she wants, but some more by walking away. You need to focus on your own life, your education, making new friends, investing time in hobbies and family. Its not what you would prefer to do, but it is what you must do. It will get easier as the time passes, I promise you that. Give yourself what she cant give you anyway, self-esteem and independence. Stop catering to her and asking for her attention. This will only drive her further away and you will get hurt in the process. Love yourself enough to do what is best for you. There is no denying the companionship and intimacy shared by two people who love each other are great. But it does not work if it's a one way street. And there are many reasons why love is not requited, she might not be ready, you may not share enough to have a future together, the timing is not right...In any case, you are very young and you have a lifetime to meet somebody.
     
  18. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    Thanks a lot for your honest reply.
    First of all, about this romantic love you were talking about, I read what we have it's called romantic friendship. It seems such word does exist, and fits pretty well our situation.
    She still wants to be my friend, but she just wants some space. I'm eager to give it to her, but it's very hard for me, and I need some advice. I don't wanna lose her, and I don't think she wants to lose me either.
     
  19. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Ultimately, you are the only one who can decide if the plus of remaining friend with her outweigh the negative aspects. No amount of advice will make easier a difficult situation. I don't say it is impossible to remain friends, just that in my experience, it is very difficult. Lots of people loose that gamble and stay in a dynamic which drain lots of their time and energy. As long as the relationship is more nurturing than destructive, it's fine. But only you can figure that one out.
     
  20. lyra2105

    lyra2105 Member

    I'm trying very hard to disentangle my thoughts. I need to move on.
     
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