Love won't find me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scars and Memories, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. Scars and Memories

    Scars and Memories Account Closed

    I went to a theme park with my family today, and it made me realise what a hopeless pathetic life I have. I saw a really cute girl at the railway station and she looked at me. I looked back for a short time then turned back to my family. After a while when I looked at her I saw her looking at me again. I quickly turned my head away. She probably looked at me a few more times. When I was sitting in the train and saw her walk away never to see her again, I realised she probably wasn't even looking at me, and if she was it was just because I'm so ugly and weird and because I was staring at her. She will never be my girlfriend. I'm so disconnected from the world. I was secretly hoping she would come to me and ask me for my phone number or something like that. So fucking stupid. -_-
    I'll never get a nice gf, cause I'll never be a normal person. Why am I like this? :(

    The themepark wasn't fun either, I had to pee badly but I had pee anxiety ><
    I went to the toilet like 15 times, but I couldn't fucking pee. Then I had some beer and being drunk I finally succeeded.

    Now I'm listening to a song called Love will find you, and I'm crying.

    Sorry for the boring, stupid rant in messed up English. Oh who am I kidding no one reads this shit. I don't know why I'm typing anymore. Anyways I'll be going on vacation monday and I planned to commit suicide then. I got caffeine pills, 10 grams of caffeine can be deadly but I got 130 grams. If that doesn't kill me then I'll just sniff glue till I die.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted you to know that I read your post, and it wasn't boring or stupid.

    Don't be so hard on yourself. That girl could have been looking at you because she was interested. But I'm sorry you didn't have a good time at the theme park. Anxiety can REALLY suck.

    I hope you don't go through with your plans of killing yourself.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with WildCherry that you seem to be very hard on yourself and should have some compassion for yourself.

    I know it totally sucks having depression and anxiety. I know that we can achieve great things in spite of our disorders but I can never shake the feeling that I am not normal. My younger brother is getting ready to go on vacation for a month in Europe and when I heard this I felt like such a loser. I have none of the things someone my age should have while he has it all, a house, a family, a job and the resources to go on a month long vacation.

    I say this not to turn your thread into something about me but to relate to you about feeling you won't ever have a girlfriend - one of the normal things. It is hard I know and can only say that it is possible so hang in there. I am very shy but have learned that many people are shy too so I hate to say it you probably going to have to make the first move. I am older so it was hard to accept the fact that as a women I was going to have to reach out first if I wanted it to happen at all.
    Well hang in there, give yourself a bit more compassion and let us know how we can help cuz we care.
    Love and hugs B
  4. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    At least a girl looked at you. When I go out I am invisible.