"Love yourself and be happy being you" A phrase that sounds so alien to me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Brandon Kwon, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Many times people have told me that I should love myself and be happy being me. But that phrase just sounds so...Alien, like it's another language, it doesn't compute in my brain...Maybe it's the way people say it, like I can magically just start to like myself or like who I am. But...Truly I don't understand how one loves themselves, how one likes being them. I mean...I can understand people with great lives enjoying being who they are. But who would want to be a 22 year old loner with almost no friends and the only person in the world who gives a crap about him being his own mother? Now, to those who tell me I should love myself, I ask you, would YOU want to be that person I just described? If you said no then please do explain to me that if someone else doesn't even want to be me then how can I want to be me?

    I may have gotten a bit ranty there at the end, truly I am not angry, I am simply confused, I don't understand this concept. Can someone educate me? Is there someone here who can coach me through a process of learning to like myself? Because I have to say, if it's one of those "You need to find the strength within yourself to just do it on your own" kind of bollocks then I am completely fucked.

    Wow, I still sound angry...Honestly, I'm not. I just want to be taught or coached on some process for learning how to like who I am and maybe then I'll find the piece of myself I'm missing.
     
  2. Baddy15

    Baddy15 Member

    I'm the last person to say love yourself because I can't follow what I would preach. How can I get anyone to listen to my advice when it's blatantly obvious that I'm in the same boat. Hypocritical. I could say that being friendless but having a loving mother is something to still envy. I know someone that has a lot of friends but his mother is a selfish person that only takes from her son rather than support and love him and it pains him to feel so unloved by the one person that should supply unconditional "I must be a horrible person if my own mother doesn't love me," has been spoken from his lips while his many supportive friends listen on. I love my mom and wouldn't trade her for any amount of friends.

    That's not helping you most likely. I have noticed something though from my many observations of people from a far. People are not enjoying their lives as much as an onlooker thinks. Many people have pain, insecurities and want something more than what their lives are giving but we humans are amazing at masking our true feelings. You wouldn't even think for a SECOND by looking at me that I spend my nights crying to sleep after 8 shots of straight vodka to help me fall asleep faster to forget the previous day. You wouldn't think by looking at me with my happy go lucky smile I throw around when out and about that I had to mentally prepare myself to open my car door to walk into the grocery store in fear of people seeing me, judging my every move and confirming what I was already thinking…that I'm not welcomed and I'm worthless. Yes! This crap goes through my head while I'm picking out tomatoes in the produce department "people are mad at me for taking too long picking my tomatoes I need to just grab one and go" ruminates in my head as if people are really that cruel to stand their giving me death threats because I don't want to grab a moldy tomato. Nobody was near me at the time.


    I go through stages where I will have many friends but they quickly catch on that I'm not as cool as they though and bail out. I have zero friends at the moments. I have a friend who moved out of state but when this friend visits the day we spend hanging out is awkward because we grew apart. I have my husband but saying your husband is your friend is almost like saying your mom is your friend…he has to like me, he's my hubby LOL.

    You ask for coaching and I'm afraid I don't have it in me to coach, but I can suggest something that has helped me over some hurdles--some darker times than the current.

    Make a list of things you do like about yourself and make a separate list of things you dislike.

    I'll give you an example of my own personal list.

    Like

    I'm very friendly

    Every time I hear an ambulance go by I always pray out loud or in my head that whomever they're heading to is going to be alright. This makes me a naturally sympathetic person and not just toward people I know. I like that quality about myself. Caring.

    I love animals

    No matter what I think a homeless person may or may not use the money on if I have spare change I WILL give it to someone asking for help. Unless someone has proof that they use it on drugs or alcohol If I have it they need it more than me and I give it.

    I'm a terrific cook

    Dislike

    I have long legs but small feet which makes me very clumsy

    I have the memory of a dingle berry and always had to study hardy than others in order to retain info for a test then a week later I forget everything I'd learned.

    I can't speak to people without being nervous and lack eye contact which makes people think I'm lying when I'm not--just an anxious lady. Reasons why I love forums. No need to verbally embarrass myself.


    That was an example.

    I'm hope I somewhat helped with my babbling. You need to love yourself because you're alive and deserve it. Maybe I can start to believe that as well.
     
  3. Baddy15

    Baddy15 Member

    I just noticed all of my typos (auto corrector from hell) so add I forget to proofread my post before hitting submit to my "dislike" about me section. :D;)
     
  4. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Now, this. This is real. I like this, this is more helpful than anyone else's advice on this particular subject I've gotten so far.

    First off, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. No one should have to feel unloved by their own mother.

    You are very similar to me in almost every way, I know EXACTLY how you feel. No onlooker would guess that I have to mentally prepare myself to go to wal-mart, that I'm always so afraid of being around other people. That I cry myself to sleep at night because I have no one who loves me romantically and probably never will. I'm always so anxious when talking to other people, I always feel like people are silently judging me like "Ugh, get this fat, smelly ugly guy away from me" (Even if I showered literally 2 hours prior and am wearing deodorant and body spray) and I just keep waiting for people to confirm what I'm already thinking about myself, that I'm worthless, unwanted, hated and a burden to the world around me.

    I'm always waiting for my friends on Skype to get fed up with my shit and bail, somehow they haven't but I keep waiting for it. And I disagree, I never felt like my ex fiancee HAD to love me, I just felt that she did...Till she up and abandoned me but I don't need to start whining about that for the 48 billionth time today.

    And I will compose a list of my own! Though...I'm pretty sure the dislike list is going to be 50x bigger than the like list LOL
     
  5. Baddy15

    Baddy15 Member

    I'm happy I was able to give you a more "real" response. It's nice to know that someone else is similiar to me out in this world.

    You made a friend with me if that helps you at all. I can relate to you as you do to me.

    I didn't like how you called yourself "fat and smelly ugly guy" because physical appearance means NOTHING to me. I'm one of those weird humanoids that don't give two shits about someone's personal appearance.

    If you're a funny dude or someone that likes to make others feel accepted then they instantly become attractive in my eyes.

    Also, I highly doubt you have a dislike list that is "50 times bigger than the like list" as I can already add a caring person that cares what others thinks of him to the "like list" as when you care about how others see you is a sign of a caring person that wants people to know his inner character that is not based on outer appearances.

    I'm eager to read your "like list" bring it on!

    Here's something someone told me that helps me when I'm trying to mentally go into a grocery store, or for you Walmart. Just remember that 99.99% of the time others are worried about how others perceive them and are not giving a rat butt about what you're doing.

    I had someone say " you're pretty self involved if you think people are really wondering what that chic is doing." That chic being me that doesn't put food on their kids table or signs their pay checks.

    Let's breathe.

    Here's a lame test. The next time you go into a store ...how about you try and JUDGE others and see if the judge mental thoughts effect your daily life in the slightest then you can see if the way they judge you effects them.

    I think you're cool and I only read a couple post by you. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)
     
  6. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Likewise. Too many people that respond to this kind of question with answers that just seem so...Fake. Like they don't understand and are just giving generic advice. You understand.

    I like making friends :D

    Well I've been called the first two things multiple times, hell my first girlfriend ever dumped me because she said, and I quote, "You're too fat and ugly for me."

    I like to think I'm funny and I try to make others feel accepted. I dunno how successful I am at that but I try.

    Well I pretty much hate everything about myself, so yeah.

    Well, you asked for it. I'll post it at the end of this post.

    Hm, I never thought of that...

    I never really considered myself "Self-Involved" but I guess I can see that ideal, yeah...

    Breathing.

    I can try that, not sure how good I'll be at it.

    Yay, someone thinks I'm cool! :D

    1. I'm funny
    2. I'm caring
    3. I care more about love than anything else in the world
    4. I care about my friends and family more than anyone else
    5. I'm romantic
    6. I'm good at cooking
    7. I love animals
    8. I don't judge people
    9. I never have and never will cheat on a girlfriend/wife I ever had/will have
    10. I'm helpful (Or I try to be at least)
    11. I'm accepting
    12. I love babies and want to be a father one day

    1. I whine about the same shit over and over
    2. I'm lazy
    3. I'm stupid
    4. I'm so afraid of people that I never talk to anyone in real life which I'm pretty sure makes people think I'm a serial killer
    5. I'm clingy
    6. I'm too focused on finding love that it takes over my life
    7. I procrastinate on EVERYTHING
    8. I'm boring
    9. I'm so sexually repressed that I'm a borderline pervert. (Or maybe I am one idk)
    10. I'm a loser
    11. I make bad first impressions about 90% of the time
    12. I'm forgetful
    13. I hold grudges for far too long

    That's all I can think of right now.
     
  7. Baddy15

    Baddy15 Member

    I do believe your "like list" trumps your "dislike list". Everything you said that you like about yourself are qualities people LOVE.

    I doubt you're "stupid" because you can definitely convey your thoughts in an understandable manner. Yes, I'm one of those that checks grammar of others.

    Clinginess is something many of us can relate to since 90% of us here are insecure.

    Forgetful? You think you're forgetful? (Warning: I'm about to pull a "one-upper move that annoys me but I'm going to type it anyway), I'm like Dory from "Finding Nemo" that's how forgetful I am. I doubt you're as bad so cut yourself some slack. I can't recall how many times I've pulled the "I know I came in here for something..." Routine. Lol.

    Procrastination is a human thing. Check out a live performance on Ellen Degenerous, I believe it was her "here and now" special where she goes in-depth about procrastination and it's hilarious. Kind of a cute trait. So don't beat yourself up about being a procrastinator.

    I've just realized I've mentioned two programs with Ellen in it (Dory of finding nemo and her stand up) the jig is up--people know I'm a fan of hers.
     
  8. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Too bad most people only seem to see my dislike list...

    lol I have my moments of acting intelligent, but most of the time I am a total idiot.

    Yeah, and a feature that many women hate, yay me.

    LOL I love Finding Nemo. +1 for that reference. I tend to forget things I'm doing AS I'M DOING THEM.

    Hm, I'll have to check that out.

    LOL Don't worry, your secret is safe with me :p
     
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