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Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by silent_chaos, Nov 11, 2012.

  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I want to know what it feels like to be loved. My mom says she loves me and I'm sure she does but I don't feel it when she says it, nor do I feel anything when I say it back. My relationships have been the same when I say the words I love you. I say it to keep some kind of companionship so I'm not alone. I know its not normal to be so detatched.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun it is hard when one cannot emotionally feel that love Have you had any professional therapy to as to why this is. I too disconnect from most people afraid to feel really afraid of what the feelings will bring perhaps you can talk to your councilor or a therapist and see why it is you are doing this too hugs
  3. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I've talked a little bit about it to my therapist. But other serious matters come about that need addressing. Like suicidal, self harming.
  4. CogitoErgoSum

    CogitoErgoSum Member

    I think... watching other people love is how you properly get to understand it... it's seriously the best feeling ever...

    I'm confident that given the time a random moment might appear where you're in a position to witness someone loving another and it will sub-consciously manifest in you.

  5. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I've seen people that are googly eyed in love. I think my switched has been turned off. I just couldnt take all the hurt and heartache. Or trust enough to let go and open up. Or just havnt found the right person to make me googly. But in general my feelings are numb at the moment.
  6. Percarus

    Percarus Account Closed


    Being loved is akin to feelings of being wanted, to be placed with the necessity and burden to be there to impact people’s lives through better and worse. It is different from actually loving someone but at times the way we can best understand the very concept of being loved is when one is in love themselves, or at least has been. Some individual’s existence is epidictic for the very purpose to explain what it is like to be loved or to love someone. I found love once, and love found me back, the relationship only lasted 6 weeks but in the end we both agreed that it was simply blind love and not genuine love – failure to achieve ‘relationship’ love does not deprive one from still feeling platonic love to a fellow person. Sex leads to blind love which ultimately ‘may’ be very misleading to a functioning relationship later down the track. Sex does not equate to love but often paves way to profound ‘blind’ love for such is the nature of our ultimate emotive sensation.

    I am not sure if this acts as any consolation but some individuals live their lives in an inimical environment, whether it be gay/straight or other, depending on your beliefs and creeds even the just and virtuous may suffer immensely without understanding of the very love they seek. Life is long, take my word for it, but not long enough so as to give you time to sort your issues if you do not actually try and give it an effort to pursue and seek the things you cherish. I am not sure how old you are, but if you seek true love, true happiness, and ultimately the superphysical love that is indeed possible if you try, then by all means remember that the first step to achieving such a task is through display of a good heart and nature. Personality accounts for more than looks in most circumstances. If you seek love, to be loved, you have to essentially rubricate your very life, that is, liven it up and take some chances. Sure, you may make mistakes at time, but in the end probably mostly for the better.

    It is good that you have taken the first step and started talking to your therapist. Some of the most intelligent and stable people I have met have consulted therapists, there is no shame in it. Although, the one time I consulted a therapist I stayed for one hour talking about only a fraction of my problems, unfortunate to me the female therapist was only crying in tears of laughter throughout the whole ordeal – I pray to God that you have had no similar encounter because, as for myself, I never attended a therapist again since.

    Suicide is indeed a bad notion because after this life, what then? Given the existence of infinites, and given mathematical permutations, given an infinite span of time it is 100% likely that a copy of yourself will emerge somewhere out there given your eventual death (also affirms the notion of God), and what makes you think your next life will be necessarily better than this one? Well, I can guarantee you it won’t if you kill yourself. Every day you have to be grateful that you are able to enjoy some of the simple things in life, like; cold water, freshly toasted bread with real butter, music, nature, and life itself. Life is truly wonderful even if you are suffering from chronic depression (which I can relate) you need to keep busy somehow, maybe try something new. Suicide is not an option because even if you did indeed ‘cease’ to exist, philosophical thinking dictates it is better to live a miser than not live at all. Life can change at any moment, this could happen tomorrow, in two minutes, mayhap 40-50 years down the track – the point I am trying to get is that life can get you by surprise to uplift you in extraordinary ways. The reverse may happen but the point is you can always bounce back, and you will!

    The very aspect of self harming is different... Sure, it may be pleasant carving a few lines onto your arm, or as in my early-life phase poking needle pricks on my arm just for the prickling sensation, but this will leave scars, and trust me, they do not look pretty. If it is physical pain you want I would suggest you join a gym... A gym was so helpful to release my frustration in early-life and I began to love the physical pain it would provide. This has the extra added benefit of boosting self-esteem, improving your health and looks, and it is an excellent way to vent off frustration as you learn to adore the feelings of your tendons and muscles being pushed to inhuman limits. If you are really intent on experiencing pain as a method of self harm then maybe start with simple dumbbells... If you are inflicting self-harm in a bid to gain attention, believe me you are doing it wrong. If you want attention then maybe go out and about and be open about your problems. Try conversing with a stranger in a park, be open, try something new. Take up writing as a hobby, but by gosh don’t mutilate yourself for you are beautiful the way you are.

    Love is essentially, and in most cases, philoprogenitive in ultimate pursuit. One day you will desire to have babies and my advice is not to overly rush the process because as you get older your wisdom increases, but if you get too old you may realise that some chances and opportunities may indeed have been lost – but that is not an impediment, believe this. So you haven’t found the right person... I have met individuals that have reached 65 years of age and never found the right person. I myself and of an older age and I still have not found the right person. You do realise that there are people out there that will never find someone to love and still they are happy as they found another creative outlet that suited their specific selves. I know, it may seem easy giving advice, especially when I am troubled with problems of my own, but at the end of the day if you go through life giving it the best you got each and every day then at the end of the road you will be able to at least say, ‘at least I gave it my best shot.’ Your switch is not malfunctioning and you can still switch it back on, all you have to do is think about it, ask for help, and pursue a genuine passion in the process. Of course, mayhap your life will be riddled with obstacles, instances of bad luck, and mayhap every opportunity laid before you will be stripped from you. Life could get worse in the future so whilst you are still young you have to be grateful for what you got because years down the track you may be longing back to your past in ways you cannot even conceive yet.

    Cheer up please! :D