Love...

I don't know how I should feel right now. I live in LA. There is a girl in SD that loves me...and I love her to death. We can't be together because neither of us can afford to move. I guess I should be happy that she and I still talk. But it kills me to know that we have such a strong connection, but can't be together. I tried to kill myself before because of this situation. I want to be with someone...but I will never have anything as special with another girl as I do with the girl in SD. I simply cannot explain how much I love her.

I have been struggling over the past 6 months to forget about her. I can't seem to make my life move forward with her in my heart. I cry when I see a beautiful sunset because all I want is to hold her hand and share it with her. I always promised that I would bring her to the beach and watch the stars with her...I would give anything to do be able to do that.

I've been planning to kill myself for a while now (I overdosed about a year ago, but I was taken to the hospital and treated). Everything is in line for me to go through with it (on Valentine's Day). I have a rifle ready...planning to do it in my car parked in the garage. I have chosen a truly deadly method, on a day which will represent the pain I am feeling. Everything seems perfect. Yet I am begging for help because there is a small part of me that does not want to do this....but I can't figure out why.

I am truly ashamed that a girl has had this effect on me. I consider myself an emotionally strong person...always confident about my philosophies and beliefs. Yet, this girl brought me to me knees. I have never experienced love to this degree.

 

I might be wrong, but maybe you don't love this girl. But really all you are wanting is a good companion in life to share your moments with? Your strong want for a companion could easily be mistaken as love, becuae I don't see how you could love someone you've never even been in physical contact with. I think you should try and find another girl in your area, maybe go out to a bar and start up a conversation with a good looking lass. I really wouldn't want you to throw your life away because you couldn't be with a girl that you think you love to death, but really don't and are just mistaking the strong wants of a companion for love of another person. Try to find someone else, but if you can't and you really love this person you should be able to find a way to meet her in time. Until then you should take some cheaper routes like buying a webcamera or calling her on the phone. Try to make your conversations as personal as possible so that you feel like you are closser to her, but please don't be a fool and throw your life away becuase you can't be with this girl. There are plenty of girls just like her and probably in your area, no one is truely unique. So you should be able to find another girl just like her; there are plenty of fish in the sea, and a lot of them swim and look the same if you catch my drift.

 

But here's the thing...before I met her, I didn't want a companion. I was perfectly happy doing my own thing. Then we started talking...and man, I can't explain it.

As far as meeting other girls...I've been there and done that. I went out with 3 other girls. I just wasn't able to care for someone else like I do for the one in SD.

 

knight294538,

Sorry your feeling so desperate and suicidal rightnow....but please reach out to someone in your community , dont go through with it....dont kill yourself....it may take time for you to feel that kind of love again but thats ok....it wont be forever....the right girl is out there for you somewhere.....please stay tough......be thinking of you.....JOdi

 

Don't you have any parents or siblings to care for though? Surely this person cannot be the only person in your life worth caring about?