I don't know how I should feel right now. I live in LA. There is a girl in SD that loves me...and I love her to death. We can't be together because neither of us can afford to move. I guess I should be happy that she and I still talk. But it kills me to know that we have such a strong connection, but can't be together. I tried to kill myself before because of this situation. I want to be with someone...but I will never have anything as special with another girl as I do with the girl in SD. I simply cannot explain how much I love her. I have been struggling over the past 6 months to forget about her. I can't seem to make my life move forward with her in my heart. I cry when I see a beautiful sunset because all I want is to hold her hand and share it with her. I always promised that I would bring her to the beach and watch the stars with her...I would give anything to do be able to do that. I've been planning to kill myself for a while now (I overdosed about a year ago, but I was taken to the hospital and treated). Everything is in line for me to go through with it (on Valentine's Day). I have a rifle ready...planning to do it in my car parked in the garage. I have chosen a truly deadly method, on a day which will represent the pain I am feeling. Everything seems perfect. Yet I am begging for help because there is a small part of me that does not want to do this....but I can't figure out why. I am truly ashamed that a girl has had this effect on me. I consider myself an emotionally strong person...always confident about my philosophies and beliefs. Yet, this girl brought me to me knees. I have never experienced love to this degree.