I pose a question to all who wish to accept it: Have you ever been in full-blown love with someone you can't ever get? and How do you know you're in love? This is what I think... When she walks in the room, my heart races. Even if she doesn't look at me, or talk to me, or even notice me. She's over there, not caring, not looking, not noticing. I'm over here, dying inside, staring, and wishing I could talk to her. You wouldn't expect me to then say that she and I are best friends. But we are. And I love her. And I'm gay and she's not. Hello heartbreak. When she hugs me I don't want to let go. When she talks to me I'm savouring the conversation. It's sad, but I have every conversation with her locked away in my memory. When I'm sitting next to her I feel some sort of HEAT, like she's burning me. Take today, she was sitting next to me and she put her head on my shoulder claiming to be sleepy. My face burnt up. I had to look away so she couldn't see me blushing. That's just a little thing though. I get stuff like this every, single, day. If I don't see her I always have the thought in my head: "Where is she?" That's what I think it is to be in love. But part of me doesn't want it to be. I've been like this with people in the past, and they were always people I couldn't have, due to different sexual orientations. And I don't know, it sounds like I'm obsessed and not in a healthy way. I thought love was supposed to be beautiful. But this just hurts. I've already told her this. It seems to have boosted our friendship somewhat, but now, it's come to a halt. She sees less of me and I become more scared to ask for her time. I don't want to lose her as a best friend, but it's like a lose-lose situation. I back off a bit, give her time, she'll think I don't want to be friends anymore. Or, I keep pestering her to be my friend again and she simply gets pissed off and walks. I dunno why I'm saying all this. Just letting off steam, I guess. I just dunno what I'd do if I lose her.