Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by loljenny91, May 6, 2008.

  1. loljenny91

    loljenny91 Member

    I pose a question to all who wish to accept it:
    Have you ever been in full-blown love with someone you can't ever get?
    How do you know you're in love? This is what I think...

    When she walks in the room, my heart races. Even if she doesn't look at me, or talk to me, or even notice me. She's over there, not caring, not looking, not noticing. I'm over here, dying inside, staring, and wishing I could talk to her.

    You wouldn't expect me to then say that she and I are best friends. But we are. And I love her. And I'm gay and she's not. Hello heartbreak.

    When she hugs me I don't want to let go. When she talks to me I'm savouring the conversation. It's sad, but I have every conversation with her locked away in my memory. When I'm sitting next to her I feel some sort of HEAT, like she's burning me. Take today, she was sitting next to me and she put her head on my shoulder claiming to be sleepy. My face burnt up. I had to look away so she couldn't see me blushing. That's just a little thing though. I get stuff like this every, single, day. If I don't see her I always have the thought in my head: "Where is she?"

    That's what I think it is to be in love. But part of me doesn't want it to be. I've been like this with people in the past, and they were always people I couldn't have, due to different sexual orientations. And I don't know, it sounds like I'm obsessed and not in a healthy way. I thought love was supposed to be beautiful. But this just hurts.

    I've already told her this. It seems to have boosted our friendship somewhat, but now, it's come to a halt. She sees less of me and I become more scared to ask for her time. I don't want to lose her as a best friend, but it's like a lose-lose situation. I back off a bit, give her time, she'll think I don't want to be friends anymore. Or, I keep pestering her to be my friend again and she simply gets pissed off and walks.

    I dunno why I'm saying all this. Just letting off steam, I guess. I just dunno what I'd do if I lose her.
  2. Lethal Photography

    Lethal Photography Well-Known Member

    I've come to the point where I hate the thought of falling in love because I know it will make things difficult. There were two times I thought I was in love, but what it was was the people I thought I was in love with were really obsessive and I just got drawn in. At first it felt nice to have someone wanting me to be with them constantly and saying they would love me until they died. Then I felt like I was suffocating. Now I'm with a sweet girl who I do love, but I'm starting to question if I love her romantically or if I just want someone to hold hands with. I have so many doubts about who I love and how because I've had so many unhealthy relationships. Sorry I can't really answer your question. I have experienced the feelings you described. I've blushed because a certain person said my name and have felt like the day was incomplete if he didn't call. I am here if you need to talk. I hope you find the answers to your questions. I'm searching too. *hug*
  3. man

    man Well-Known Member

    It sucks when there is no one to love, I think its better to feel something for someone thean nothing for no one, love is not the same as happiness

  4. I wish that someone would feel that way about me. :sad:
  5. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member


    Yes I have been in love with someone I couldn't get. We were best friends and I didn't tell her because I knew it would only make things awkward. Well, as it turned out things became awkward anyway. It hurt like hell when I realized that we weren't even friends anymore. However, looking back I figure it may have been for the best. She found someone else to love and I got over her eventually (although i am still alone). I feel like cutting the person out of your life, painful as it is, may be the best solution. Some relationships just can't endure under those circumstances. Try to focus on other people if you can. Good luck.
  6. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    I'm totally in love. I could probably "get" the person too. Any time, actually.

    The only question is...should I? I don't know if they could ever love me back and I don't want to be his little puppet.

    I just don't see what the point of loving someone is if they'll never love you back. I know it makes no sense but I feel this way anway. It just happens and it really, really sucks. I feel ya.
  7. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I'm sorry you're in that kind of situation...I felt similar with a girl around 16 and it was so much like that. I'd be on the constant look out for red hair and I'd run to get the bus to just search for her. It's only after many years many many years I realised about different types of love - and that I had a huge crush on her. And felt for her. I do feel for you. I've also had girls play with my hair and be quite loving towards me and with one there'd be definite sexual undertones all in a very playful way- and I'd feel extremely hot and confused and things just like you mention- and of course, lonely as my gut reaction would be I want to kiss her I want to hold her.

    I love the way you've written about her. I used to feel the same way for someone I thought I was in love with when I was 15, but honestly, looking back, it was very sexual-- I was attracted to her because we both were quite similar, on the 'outside' of things, she was very shrewd and we just couldn't keep ourselves physically away from each other- I think there was an underlying recognition that we both weren't straight and I've looked her up on the internet which confirmed it. I just sometimes in the past, wished I had actually said something, or done something...

    I was wondering, why do you think she doesn't feel the same about you? Just because she might say she's straight doesn't mean she can't develop feelings for you?

    I love your post though.
  8. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    About 2 years ago, while I was waiting outside a classroom one day, staring at the ground because I was off my social anxiety med, I looked up to see this girl across from me staring at me. She smiled when I made eye contact; I smiled back and looked away, my cheeks burning. Even though I know she was probably staring at me because of my odd behavior, I instantly had a huge crush on her. I wish I hadn't been so socially anxious at the time; I'd probably at least say "Hi" or something if it happened today. She was in my class, so I always looked for her. After the first test, I think she dropped the course, because I never saw her again.

    There was a girl I became friends with in another class who I found very attractive, but after the class ended, we lost touch. We sometimes flirted with each other, but I knew she was straight and in a relationship. However, a couple of weeks before the end of the semester, I joked flirtatiously and she responded in kind (more strongly than usual, actually)--and suddenly, she seemed shocked, as if she had just realized something. I tried to act as if nothing was peculiar while she stared at me for a minute or two. I finally smiled at her in a friendly way, and she seemed to snap out of it. We began to drift apart, though, after that. I like to think that maybe she realized she was attracted to me, but I know it's more likely she just realized I was attracted to her. Who knows for sure? Anyway, I didn't want to push anything--I'm not really comfortable with my sexuality, so why would I challenge hers? If I'd known for sure that I was lesbian, bisexual, or very bicurious, I might've acted differently…:unsure:

    Unrequited love is the story of my life, but it still sucks most of the time. Saying that, it does inspire me, and it'll probably be the only kind of love I'll ever know.
  9. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    Sounds very similar to my situation...

    The girl I love (she's bi, so there's a chance, right?) and I are really close friends. I asked her on a date, and she said yes, but wasn't allowed to go (parents had a thing). She told my best friend (gay male, so no jeleousy from him) that she didn't like me that way, and never would.

    And he told me.

    Now my pysch thinks I need to forget her, because she treats me like crap (She pulled me around on a leash on the Terry Fox Run last year, She's asked me to kneel and then tie her shoe, if she drops something I tend to always pick it up... etc.) and it's hurting my mental state. Yay.

    I don't know how to stop loving people, but when you figure it out, wanna let me in?
  10. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Cut her out of your life as much as possible. Talk to different people, hang out with different people. Don't call her at all. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but at some point you'll realize that you just don't care anymore.

    Your psych is probably right, also. It sounds like she's just using you.
  11. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    I agree with above. Better to feel than not. Was in mad crazy monkey love last year with someone I couldn't have. Didn't know that I was numb before this happened. I thought I was fine. I wasn't. It opened me up emotionally. I really believe that it always benefits us some how. No, I didn't say it makes us happy. When I realised it would truly never be, and that we would not see each other at all again, I cried almost every day for 3 months. Yes I know, a bit extreme, and I am male and over 40. I had a lot of repressed/denied/stifled/deadened feelings, and that's what it took to get it all out.

    I want to add, that when you have those tender, and sexually charged feelings for someone, it is a very beautiful thing. I really believe that many people never experience this. It's just not in them.

    My fave love quote "What do I gain by loving you? Loving. You." And this still applies if you can't have them, or they do not feel the same way about you. You get to experience the love. Yes I know it does hurt when it is one-sided, but I think this is true of most relationships - one person loves more than the other.

    I don't know that anyone can really help you. Maybe you can love someone without having them in whatever way you wish. Many people love someone they can't be with. Why does it happen? I have no idea!
  12. poeticjustice

    poeticjustice Member

    this does work, I got over my first love over time, but it took a really long time, so I thought my second love would dissapear quicker...not so, if anything this time its a lot worse meh....
  13. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    I believe that the big loves we never get over. Thats all. If you love someone, really love them, then how could you, why would you get over it? It's a part of you, maybe until you die. Just because you can't have someone, you can't love them? No. If you love someone, you just do, and thats all.
  14. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    It's amazing. I also think that not many people get to experience what I'm going through. I talked to my gf about something and she just couldn't understand what I meant.

    I think I'm really very lucky not only to be in contact with this person but to have the opportunity to pour myself out to him and here and let him know the effect he has on me. Which is something you can't put into words.
  15. irrelevant

    irrelevant Member

    I'm in the exact same situation - is it really best to cut them out of your life? I really don't want to cut her out of my life.. and she says she still wants to be friends etc.. I want answers.. I want explanation and the truth but all the psychiatrists and therapists keep implying I should try and move on and accept that I might not be able to talk to her about it. I just want one conversation.. and she might give it to me, I don't know. Do you really have to cut them out? I just don't want to.