I fell in love with a boy. He was beautiful, beautiful, and he showed me happiness I've never felt in my entire life. In my darkness, his smile was my blinding light. It showered me and I felt so...I can't even describe. We even got engaged. Things started to turn, though. I don't think I noticed the warning signs until the day he date raped me. It scarred me, so badly. But he promised me it was a mistake, he didn't mean it, he was so sorry and wouldn't ever touch me like that again until i'm ready. And I believed him, and forgave him. Didn't tell a soul, didn't call the police or press charges, even though it was my...well, first sexual experiance ever. I'm still a virgin, he didn't exactly go in the front, but...still. It hurt. I couldn't sit for 2 days. Then, after that, I realized he had been giving me verbal and emotional abuse, saying whatever he wanted, belittling me, playing games with my heart. I found out he cheated on me, and not only that but bragged to people I knew about raping me (even though he made it sound consential, of course). It just got worse, and worse and worse until I fell into such a depression.... We had a lot of bad fights, and I finally gave him back his ring and got the courage to leave him. But now...I know he's bad for me. I know he made me try to kill myself. I'm left now, alone, lonelier than ever, wanting to die so much I don't even have the enthuisiasm required to ATTEMPT suicide. I can't even cry most of the time. I'm in such sorrow...I MISS HIM. I don't know if i still love him, but I MISS him so much. I want him, i want him back more than anything. What can I do? I'm so scared, i'm so alone. I don't know. Someone, please. Help me. I still love him and I don't want to. I WANT HIM BACK.