Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by AlexElm, Feb 28, 2011.

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  1. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    Disclaimer: I'm not the best poet around and this is not up to my usual standards but... Theres two poems here, one short one long.

    We locked eyes on that cold, winters night
    And in those eyes I could see something ignite.
    I made my way across the room, hoping that it would be all right.
    And I recited the words that made me seem polite.

    As I walked, I observed your hair
    The way it shined, the way it flared.
    Your cocked head, your splendid eyes
    That small smile that enraptured all,
    A smile capable of starting a brawl.

    The crystals sparkled above our heads,
    Hanging on a single gossamer thread.
    The crowd was dancing but I just walked ahead.

    I finally reached you, and your expecting eyes
    I finally felt that I had found my love.
    Behind that beauty I could see you were wise
    But in that moment, all I could think of

    Was you

    Ten, nine*
    Let's start to dine.
    Eight seven
    Tastes like heaven
    Six, five
    I feel alive
    Four, three
    I get your key
    Two, one
    I'm in love

    I've never felt anything beyond attraction. What does love actually feel like? Am I portraying it wrong or... Anyway you know the drill...
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I love the shorter piece and also the last stanza of the first - it is where the rhyming feels completely unforced.

    I do not know what love feels like, in the sense that love is personal to the individual, the best you can do is to portray love as it feels to you.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Yes, there is a magic to love...I think this was well done...thanks...J
  4. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    In limbo, I actually thought my last stanza of my first one was weak because I've never written an unforced poem before. It may come naturally to others, but definitely not to me.
    But okay, if love was different for everyone, what does it feel like for YOU? I've never felt love and would like to know.
    Thanks for reading and posting!
  5. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I cannot tell you that because I don't know love that is reciprocated - at least from any kind of intimate sum it up as a blueprint in poetic language would be impersonal...and above all, love is personal
  6. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    What I meant was, what does it feel like for you? Physically, emotionally, etc. A warm fuzzy feeling? Sense of achievement/fulfillment? (Insert cliches here)
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