In a world where so many are lonely and In pain, I found this forum no different. So many stories, so much pain. A darkness on the edge of one's vision. I would tell my story but there isn't time. I would share my pain, but the pain is mine alone and I have no right to heap it on another's shoulders. My name is David, I am sixteen. I have not had a good life. I do not life well. I hurt. I lost my friends after a change of school, and scince the I have been lonely. I feel alone and empty. I push away those who would help me. I have been through various experiences that have badly sapped my will to live, amoung them the all time favourite-bullying. Last year was not a good year. I steadially got worse until it got to the point where I was breaking down almost constantly. Last year almost to the day I decided to commit suicide. It was just another summer's day and when I got home I decided enough was enough. I took pills. Many of them and I waited for it to end. Then, I felt an incredible guilt over what I was doing and rushed to the kitchen and drink about a pint of milk to counteract the affects of the pills (milk lines the stomach). In the end my mother found out and forced me to wretch and in general pounded the drugs out of my system. Then she insisted I take councilling. I did. The next few months were good-I was happier though still lonely and became a Christian. I was baptised and confirmed recently. I soon realised that the previous attempt was a cry for help. I had made a few half hearted attempts before than but none had succeeded. Once I had the help, I felt better. Scince then I have taken a major downturn. I am more isolated than ever and now suffer an eating disorder. I have realised that I have truly had enough, I don't want to live anymore. I hurt. I am a deep thinker and I know the concequences of such an action and its effect upon my family. The fact is, I am already causing hurt now. What caused my downturn was the simple fact that I realised that I no longer loved. Love is at the center of my beliefs as a Christian and I believed that love was something that could save me. I cast it off. I do not love anymore. I do not care about anything, I only hate. My family did not react much when it found out about how i tried to end my life, I so no reason not to do so if all I am to them is a burden. I am meaningless, half a human being in a shell with not a kernal of love or feeling within me. I am disspassionate, alone and cold. Life is a monotonous climb and experience that I want no part of, I only want to sleep. The worst part is, faith, hope and love abide. I have none.