(Was going to put this in the relationship forum... but it's just me ranting, so thought here might be a bit more appropriate) I've been a member nearly 5 years now. When I joined I'd only ever been with one girl, my first love. Before I'd been with her I was sure I'd never have anyone, that I wasn't worthy of it, after the relationship ended it hurt and I felt like I'd never have anything like that again. Years have gone by. I've loved I've lost, always seeking anyone who could make the loneliness subside, keep me from being who I am when I'm alone. I feel like each time a little piece of my heart has been chipped away.... I'm not sure I can even feel love for anyone anymore. I just broke up with my girlfriend who I've been with for a year and feel... nothing. I slept with another girl a few days after and still feel nothing, maybe a little dirty... I look back at the man I'd promised myself I'd be. That I'd be kind, chivalrous, honest, decent, kind... I feel like my soul has been smudged till I don't even know what those things mean, let alone how to be them. I think deep down though... that this is better, eternal emptyness to save me the pain of a broken heart. All it costs me is my ability to feel love.