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Loving Yourself More

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this was submitted on my site theletters.org. i find it may be helpful to many people here.

Loving yourself is too abstract a phrase that people associate it with all the wrong things. Some people think that loving yourself means finding a partner that will complete them - getting that someone who opens the doors for them, listens to their woes, worries about them, makes them laugh. Others do it by being that person to someone else – getting someone or a couple of someones who depend on them, who consider their words a law. Then there is the ever common scenario of trying to satisfy other people. Some people just do everything, even things beyond their power, just as so they could see other people nodding in agreement at what they do. That’s what loving yourself is for them – when others love them.

Relying on someone for love is just about as dangerous as believing love doesn’t exist because you are then forced to live your life around other people. Life can be a bad-ass bitch when that happens because their opinions, their actions, and their minds will always put their own sake above yours. Living your life for other people means living your life a step behind everyone else – a notch below, second best, never quite enough.

Loving yourself is about liking every bit of who you are including the weird and crazy things you like doing - having dessert before the main course, talking to your dolls like they are real babies, watching old tagalog films, singing out loud and out of tune, dancing like an electrocuted skeleton, writing mushy love letters, staring at the photo of your dream girl/guy for hours. It is your time, your body and your mind. You have the right to use it the way you want it.

… it is being okay with who you fall in love with. Loving is a beautiful journey that we all have the right to experience. It makes us grow, makes us complete. And so is hurting.

… it is feeling good about being or striving to be the best at what you do. we are all forced to aim for something, be it mere survival or excellence. Aim for the unreachable, what the heck.

… it is accepting the fact that there are things you can’t do, things you can overdo, and things you can do wrong. Everyone should be given the chance to make mistakes, lots of it. it is the only real way to learn.

… it is about allowing yourself to hurt, to cry, and not rushing yourself to mend. There is as much joy in laughter and happiness as there is in tears and pain.

… it is about accepting how tricky, dangerous, cruel and plainly fuckin’ weird this world is and actually appreciating it for simply being. It is probably the world’s way of making everyone feel they fit in. no matter how screwed up they think they are, they fit in.

All that and everything else in between ACTUALLY make up loving. The world is too small in the spectrum of the universe, imagine us. Our life NOW is the only chance we got to make ourselves feel our life is worth the time and our body is worth the space.

I’ve always struggled to fit in. I’ve struggled to love. I’ve struggled more to feel loved. And it was when I had it all that I realized I missed the whole point.

I owe myself more. I should be happy everyday, JUST BECAUSE, even if I have to download every fuckin’ Russell Peters comedy show on the net. I should feel good about being alive before I go to sleep even if it means retracing my every step to recall every beautiful thing I saw, felt or experienced. I have to give myself credit for getting through the day, regardless of what other people say or think about me or what i did. I should be thankful for every experience no matter how screwed up it was and no matter how screwed up I was.

I may cry, I may feel sad, but I will not close my eyes to sleep at night without knowing, FOR SURE, I will not have it any other way. That’s the only way I can show love towards myself.

And you know what? Everything is slowly making sense – sometimes in that fucked up sense kind of way. Point is, everything is making sense.

So ask yourself if you have loved yourself enough. Are things easier that you actually wake up every morning looking forward to the day no matter the difficulty you are about to face? If the answer is no then you have some work to do. You have to realize that the sum of how you messed up your life doesn’t make up your life. You have to realize that the love other people will give you or you will get from other people will not fill in for the love you should be giving yourself.

And in the getting there, you will realize you are worth it, every bit of you is worth this life, this love and this God.
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