low self esteem and hard to make friends

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by .salt., Aug 29, 2010.

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  1. .salt.

    .salt. Member

    i've been through a lot in the past few years. it's culminated in a suicide attempt and 3 months in jail. i'm 30 years old and i look back at my life for the past 10, 15 years and i really don't like myself. i made a lot of mistakes and i can't take them back. i let down friends and family and even though people forgive me and know i mean well, i still have a lot to try to make up for. now i've moved to a new city to try to start my life over and it's going ok, but i have serious trouble making new friends because of my low self-esteem. i don't like how my body looks, that doesn't help. but mostly i feel like everyone judges me a lot. when i try to talk to people i somehow make myself look bad to them, mostly like i'm immature or really nerdy or overly self-conscious. i dunno, it sucks. for some reason i am good at making other people feel better, but i can't seem to make myself feel better. every day i think about suicide again, but i don't actually want to die. i just want to have friends, like in the real world, not online. for now, this will have to suffice i guess.. but it's really eating at me. i wish i could just be a good person and have people like me. i think i might start volunteering for something. but i'm really lazy and really down all the time, it's hard to take the necessary steps and then commit to something. i dunno.. sorry for being depressing, blah...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you reached out here sometimes just knowing people are hearing you and caring helps. I care and i hope you do take that steip in volunteeriing okay meet new people that way. Just try it okay get out of that shell of yours abit and see what happens okay. Nice to meet you
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Salt and welcome to SF. Depression is really awful, because it prevents you from living a normal life. I think that you need to work on improving your self esteem. If people feel like you have low self esteem, they might be hesitent to be friends with you. The first step is being comfortable with yourself, then others will also be comfortable with you. Also, are you truly looking for new friends or are you looking for approval from others?
  4. .salt.

    .salt. Member

    i guess i'll try. i feel like a pos tho.
  5. .salt.

    .salt. Member

    it's pretty hard to boost my self-esteem on my own. after what i've been through it's like why even bother trying? i know people can tell. i try my best not to let it show, but i shake from anxiety/nervousness when i meet new people. i fumble over my words.
  6. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    i can really relate to you. I find it extremely hard to make friends as well, if im put into a situation with people i dont no i either just clam up or shake and trip over all my words. I also sound like a complete idiot. The few friends i ever had were people that sort of stuck to me, i never approached them but we have just grown apart now. I used to think i didnt need friends, that i was ok on my own. I was totally wrong. Im so lonely sometimes i just cry, its not a nice place to be. My problem now is that is just dont trust any one. I dont believe people when they say im funny, smart and interesting. So although i interact i dont get close.
    I hope you are not as bad as me and can find some friends, volunteering is fun and you get to meet lots of different people. The good thing about volunteering is you tell them when you can go. That way you can build yourself up to going more. I bet your not lazy, you just need motivation, something that when you wake up in the morning you are happy to get out of bed for. Sorry my advise is a bit awful.
    Good luck
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am right there with you. I am too overly self-concious and... well scared of rejection. I can always find a million excuses to not go out and meet people. I fan think of a million reasons why I cannot flirt with that girl or join in on that groups conversation. It is all thanks to the depression and social anxiety. I wish I could say more than "I can relate".

    I think volunteering is a step in the right direction. As for motivation, you do not need it. Just get up and do it. That is all there is to it. Set aside the time and go. That is how I get myself doing stuff. I set aside the time and do it. Soon you will be wanting to do it. Or instead of volunteering, take a class. Do something you have to pay for. I find that wasting money is a great motivator.

    Do not worry about your past too much. Learn from it and become a better person. What matters is the now. If you are trying to change for the better people will see that.
  8. .salt.

    .salt. Member

    i was listening to the song "between the bars" by elliot smith and it hit me that i'm in love with being sad. maybe it's just the way i am and it's not worth trying to be happy. maybe happiness is only this fleeting thing and a lot of us just aren't meant to have it for long periods of time. i guess the question is whether or not i can live with it.
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