Low Self-Esteem?

[Convergence]

I don't even know if I should post this...

But I was searching....sometimes, when I'm depressed, I'll look u triggering images to make it worse. I don't like myself...might as well help destroy. But I was looking on some pages...this one hit pretty good on the mark...

''You don't respect yourself and don't think you are worthy of respect and love. You feel "alone against the world" and that life and God have dealt you a bad deal. You see yourself as a victim. You have low energy and feel "burnt out". You feel that life is a rat race ... and the rats are winning. You feel you are dull, socially inept, have nothing to offer or contribute, are unattractive and unlikable. And you are convinced that others see you that way too.''

or this one...

''A damaging lie is hidden in the timeworn chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The truth is words mold us, torment us and define us. Children, particularly, are susceptible to the impact of a parent’s words. As children grow and develop socially, mentally and physically, they are affected and shaped by people’s opinions — especially their parents’. A child thrives in school and at home when she has a healthy identity; your reactions and words will either give her confidence to believe she can do anything or convince her she is worthless. It is important for parents to build up their child’s self-esteem: providing a safe, loving, accepting environment will reassure your child and teach him that, with support, he can be or do anything.''

I can't stand myself....asking for help. I need help...but I don't want to heal. I hate myself. Why should I be posting this?....

I'm just going to shut up now...

 

[thedeafmusician]

First off I'll tell you, that that could easily have been me posting that. And while I am not going to force you to talk I still think you should in your own time... :hug:

yes I'm a hypocrite I know.

TDM

 

[silentlyscreaming]

thats me too..i dont know how i can help you..all i can do is offer my friendship and ill pray for you
:hug:
ray

 

[Wonderstuff]

:hug: :hug: :hug:
I think those excerpts apply to a lot of us hun. And I look up triggering images too sometimes.
I know how it is to ask for help but not want to heal. Like if you 'get better' you will no longer see yourself the way you really are, but in a fake way where you think you're better than you are.
But that isn't the truth. The truth is, you are better than you think you are.
I don't know if you will get help or not, although I hope you do. You're a great person and you kind of owe it to yourself, I guess, to get help.
I don't know where I'm going with that.
Anyway, that was just my two cents.
I hope you feel better soon hun, and if you want to talk or anything...I'm always open to PMs or IMs.
Take care :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[justme107]

Those post are me, too. I really wish I had had loving supportive parents who built my confidence. I get jealous when I see children with encouraging parents. Who could I have been if I had self-esteem. And I also don't want to "get better." Because eventually someone will crush me and the "truth" will come rushing back.
Those are my thoughts. I know they're twisted, and irrational. And don't really help you. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

 

[resistance]

Reading the first paragraph I seen myself in there clearly and the second paragraph is very true, also. The way we are brought up and the situation we are in have a huge influence on the person we become and childhood never totally leaves us, it forms the basis of the person we are. But anyway, I just wanted to say I can relate to you well and I agree with what's already been said. Sorry this isn't much help, but take care of yourself and I hope your esteem builds, which it will but it's best if you were to take action and get the help and talk to people which I know isn't easy, but I hope you do it. Take care of yourself. :hug:

 

[theleastofthese]

I could have written the third paragraph especially. When I'm feeling really low and shitty I feel I have no value at all...to anyone...that's I'm God's worst mistake etc etc. I have better days and worser days, but on the worse days I feel like I'm a waste of oxygen and space. Fortunately I take Zoloft every day and it helps keep the lows from going too low for too long...tho a minute of feeling "that bad" feels like days, years.:sad:

I also feel like shit asking for help, tho I know intellectually that I need it - it's just that my soul resents that I can't handle everything by itself, hates feeling so 'weak'.:sad:

You don't have to shut up until you want to. And we're here to listen and support and love you NO MATTER WHAT!!:smile: :smile: Come back as often as you need. There's always someone here to listen to you.

love,

least

 

[Convergence]

Thanks for replying, all of you.

It's a little consistant...I get pretty depressed atleast once a week. To the point of crying my eyes out, and probably bleeding. Though on normal I'm quiet...can't really give my opinion on anything....I'm too stupid to have opinions. Or, others don't need to waste time hearing my opinions, thoughts...emotions...