Lowlife

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dhoparu, May 4, 2009.

  1. dhoparu

    dhoparu New Member

    My life is sad! I am 31, have a low paying job and when I see my friends doing so well it make me feel even worse. I have lied to my parents that I had successfully graduated. I am still an undergraduate which would obviously explain my low paying job. The thing is, I managed to get into a really good engineering college, not exactly Ivy League but still amongst the best. I took seven years to realize that I will never graduate, not that I was dumb or anything, so I lied to my parents about me graduating and came to a different city as far possible from where my parents live. My parents had really worked hard to put me in college and what did I do? I flunked out…. It’s all my own doing so I have no one to blame. Even worse I am now deep in credit as I had to put up with a false image of doing ok professionally.

    I cannot sleep and even when I do I get recurring nightmares of everyone specially my parents realizing what a fake I am. Because of the lack of sleep I am always groggy and clumsy at work. I hate my job and the lack of sleep makes it hard to perform in my job. So I have been stuck in the same level for the past four years.

    I have no talent. I do not like doing anything except binge eat and booze and watch the stupid television.

    I have no friends and no social life, who I consciously avoided for they make me jealous. I have not had any girl in my life, I am still a virgin. I looked bad with all the acne scars from my adolescent age and to further compound matters I am becoming fat due to all the binge eating and beers that I consume. When I go through the profile and pictures of all my friends/cousins/juniors in the social networking sites I realize how much of a loser I am. I actually deleted all my profiles from these sites but have some hacked passwords of some of my friends and cousins using which I keep myself updated. The low point was when I masturbated with the pictures of one of my cousin’s friend. Yes I masturbate that too almost every day. Pathetic right!!!

    With all my troubles I see no future. So is it all over for me? Can someone in my position ever reclaim his life? I frankly don’t see any future. Is ending my life the only option? But my parents are financially dependent on me so I do not know what to do. Not that I have the courage of committing suicide, which I think of everyday but being the loser that I am I cannot act on them. What a lowlife!!!
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Firstly, your not pathetic or a low life. Secondly, your life can be "re-claimed" as you put it.

    Do you think you can tell your parents about the truth? Cuz it seems like it is weighing on you. This probably will get heavier as time goes by, so set yourself free and tell them. Easier said than done, but slowly build yourself up to tell them.
    Also your still young and you can still change things in your life. Is engineering what you truly want to get into? Or is there something else for you? Think about this hard and try to get a qualification in that particular field.