My life is sad! I am 31, have a low paying job and when I see my friends doing so well it make me feel even worse. I have lied to my parents that I had successfully graduated. I am still an undergraduate which would obviously explain my low paying job. The thing is, I managed to get into a really good engineering college, not exactly Ivy League but still amongst the best. I took seven years to realize that I will never graduate, not that I was dumb or anything, so I lied to my parents about me graduating and came to a different city as far possible from where my parents live. My parents had really worked hard to put me in college and what did I do? I flunked out…. It’s all my own doing so I have no one to blame. Even worse I am now deep in credit as I had to put up with a false image of doing ok professionally. I cannot sleep and even when I do I get recurring nightmares of everyone specially my parents realizing what a fake I am. Because of the lack of sleep I am always groggy and clumsy at work. I hate my job and the lack of sleep makes it hard to perform in my job. So I have been stuck in the same level for the past four years. I have no talent. I do not like doing anything except binge eat and booze and watch the stupid television. I have no friends and no social life, who I consciously avoided for they make me jealous. I have not had any girl in my life, I am still a virgin. I looked bad with all the acne scars from my adolescent age and to further compound matters I am becoming fat due to all the binge eating and beers that I consume. When I go through the profile and pictures of all my friends/cousins/juniors in the social networking sites I realize how much of a loser I am. I actually deleted all my profiles from these sites but have some hacked passwords of some of my friends and cousins using which I keep myself updated. The low point was when I masturbated with the pictures of one of my cousin’s friend. Yes I masturbate that too almost every day. Pathetic right!!! With all my troubles I see no future. So is it all over for me? Can someone in my position ever reclaim his life? I frankly don’t see any future. Is ending my life the only option? But my parents are financially dependent on me so I do not know what to do. Not that I have the courage of committing suicide, which I think of everyday but being the loser that I am I cannot act on them. What a lowlife!!!