Luck

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MorganaNever, Mar 3, 2012.

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  1. MorganaNever

    MorganaNever Well-Known Member

    Does anyone feel that ever since you got depressed, its only getting harder to get out because things simply go wrong.
    I mean, even if you muster some optimism and strength and try for something youd usually do easily, every possible circumstance will make you fail. Even when youre so low you need just a little simple thing to push you, so you can say you did something, it will just become so complicated until it is all a chore.

    You can know its your fault somehow and try to be reasonable but at some points you wonder if people can just get cursed. And it just gets worse and worse while you get more and more exhausted until going to the store is a dreaded activity that makes you feel petrified and your bed seems like the only safe place you dont want to leave.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I've had similar feelings. Depression drags us down - our energy levels, our ability to tolerate pain and stress, our general outlook on things. When we're depressed, it's common for our brains interpret even small setbacks as though they are huge roadblocks. It "feels" huge because we're already bummed and tapped out.

    I have felt "cursed" :)wink:), but I don't think whoever runs the universe is so concerned with little old me to exact a curse on me. :smile: I also try to stay away from blaming myself (or others) for the ups and downs - it uses less energy so I have more for just coping with and resolving things faster and better.

    I hope things are going all right with you. :hug:
     
  3. Crooks.Aiden

    Crooks.Aiden Member

    Luck factor can not be ignored and deleted form your life.Some times we feel a hidden factor and hand in our victories and defeats.So what does it mean of ?
    It is called luck either its good or bad in your favor but its luck who has major effects in your life.
     
  4. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    I visualized depression as quick sand. The more you try to get out, the faster and deeper you sink. There's basically no chance you can get out alive on your own. Quick sand isn't everywhere though, it's hidden in parts where people rarely go, which means that you're all alone there and people hate staying so your chances to find real help are also very low.
     
  5. MorganaNever

    MorganaNever Well-Known Member

    Wow, that is an amazingly accurate metaphor. I can visualise it so well.

    That is the worst thing, isnt it? To constantly hear about how you have to make it yourself, to feel like total shit that you cant and to be so ashamed to impose on anyone with it cause help would take more than one conversation or one wise saying and no one really wants to go ,or let alone stay, in that place.
     
  6. PainIsLife

    PainIsLife Member

    That sums it up so well.

    Made so many mistakes and regret so much since I got depressed it's ridiculous. Feeling remorseful and wishing I'd tried that little bit harder is just a part of me now, it's hard to remember what I felt like before. I wish I had the energy and motivation that I desperately need but it's simply not there anymore.

    It's like someone flicked a switch in your brain that makes EVERYTHING go wrong.
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I swear I just have awful luck in life, besides just being depressed. But it won't matter for much longer.
     
  8. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    if there is a luck, it is only the bad luck. However, I've changed my attitude toward it. I just don't care anymore, I always except sth bad to happen and rarely get annoyed. After all, nothing good can really happen to me. If sth good happens, I always get annoyed, as it is just a sign the bad luck is about to strike with double or even tripple force
     
  9. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    [this could be a very discouraging message, i wrote it last night and don't have time to read over it again, i'm not even sure if it really fits into the conversation anymore... x/ i just felt like i had to say it...]

    yeah. and we know it's never going to change because it's simply about feelings which can only be felt, you can't explain them to anyone. and since they can't feel what we are feeling, they don't know how to help and by throwing so-called reasons at us, they think we'll have it easier. but we know why we feel this way and we know why we shouldn't feel this way. and we also do have some strength to endure, otherwise we'd already be breaking down but we don't have the motivation, the will to use it.

    metaphor: it'd be like them holding out a tree branch to help us out, but their eyes would be darting around, their feet shuffling because of their want to get out of the unknown place. they're afraid of the place that has in one way become our home because we have no other. which means that our only way out is unstable, squirmy and is just there, waiting for us to pull ourselves out even though we've spent so much energy to keep our heads above the surface. then as soon as we've made any progess they take a step back in delight, retreating in eagerness, thinking now that we've started that we've done it and their task is done. they just hold the branch lightly, staring straight at us as our body reveals the pain we're going through, clothes sticking to the hungering body, exposing us. they marvel at the sight of our weakness and forget that we're actually also just humans like them. our hands start to slip, urging us back into the depths of the quick sand and they start screaming at us as if it were our fault. telling us to hold on, unconsciously mocking us because who would choose to let got of their only hope but the person with no other possibility? our hands are numb, muscles spent and while we hang our head in shame to their angry calls that are supposed to keep us going but only succeed in making the quick sand seem so much more comfortable, the thought of continuing your journey downward doesn't seem so bad after all, it seems much nicer than the world on the surface after all. there's no angry screaming, no gazes that burn into your bones, no expectations you wouldn't be able to fulfill anyway. you'd give in to the comfort of your new home.
    but the ones you loved before, the ones who used to mean so much to you, they tell you it's wrong, that they need you alive. leaving them without your love is so selfish. and even though you don't really care, even though you're the one in danger, you tell yourself you have to care so you pretend you do and do as they say, for them, for those who are making you suffer despite the fact that it leaves you empty, willless, thoughtless, strengthless. they smile, having shown you there's no need to fight. the rope tied around your neck is connected to the outside world, you'll never sink. but you're still in there, shivering, alone, so far away from everything else. you're alive, you should be happy so you force a smile on your face but actually, you'll never be free again, you'll be hanging there at the surface, somewhere in between, held back out of peace by those who so desperately care but don't manage to pull you out. and then they ask you confused, what's the problem? and you, being a human being, adapt to their ways of treating you as if you had problems and you hurt for being the one who is keeping them here in this awful place while you're slowly rotting away in that cold and lonely quick sand, without a hand getting close. slowly you discard your fantasies of someone actually leaning out to grasp your hand and drag you out, risking to end up in a trgedy themselves, because you'd not want even your greatest enemy to be in your place. no being deserves this little. yet you yourself are fine. theythink so too, the rope is managing your survival, you're fine, it makes you happy, does it not?
    and rarely, sometimes, when they're sleeping and you have the night for yourself, the clouds on vacation, you look into the sky as dark as you imagine your situation to be, it it must be that dark underneath quick sand, and you're jealous because you know that unlike that universe above you, no stars exist in your strangled body and no full moon turns the darkness to grey. sometimes it seems sleep will never grace your eyes and days will never embrace the skies. a few hours later you find they do, but still your helplessly stuck in this lifeless goo.

    you just can't open your mouth to let them know,
    because you don't know how to say you wanna let go,
    they'd hate you for it and try to chain you up,
    you want what little freedom you have so you keep your mouth shut.
     
  10. PainIsLife

    PainIsLife Member

    ^ that's beautiful.
     
  11. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    thx x] i got so into writing it i didn't realize it was that long and when i saw how much text there i was, i had thought no one would ever read it xP
     
  12. MorganaNever

    MorganaNever Well-Known Member

    You just gave me this strong visualisation of exactly where I am and what is going on. I had a few myself, but this one felt so incredibly right that I don't know weather to cry or find some sick comfort that someone else at least knows of that place that feels like the lonliest place in the universe. I really wish you get out of it one day, I wish I do. But its so hard.

    I think when you are lucky and when you are winning, it all makes sense. Even if its pure luck and you win the lottery you'll pat yourself on the shoulder for buying the ticket and having such a great intuition to pick the numbers..
    When you're losing you really realize how little it all matters and how little you can do.

    No one wants to admit we are balancing on the edge because then it could be them tomorrow. They need to think they are safe, need to think that it was your mistakes or your lack of effort that led you there, and they don't have to stay to long cause they don't want to shatter the illusion that you somehow actively create your miserey, you actively desire to be there. But they don't want it, they'll stay the hell away and run, so it will never be them, it can't, right?

    But there has to be something. What about all of us who are there, is there anything we can give each other, is there a way we can cooperate? I'm genuinely asking cause I don't know. It just seems few of us may know the same place too well. I need any hope if I have to stay.

    Anyway, thank you for what you wrote, even if it doesn't change it, I wish I knew you. Fuck it. You described it all.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2012
  13. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    I can barely even enjoy it when I'm lucky because I know I'm gonna feel awful for it afterward. By me it's like I feel the thrill while I climb up a high building (i do love heights) and then I suddenly fall off the edge and smash into the concrete. That's one of the reasons why I cut, to pay for the next day. I cut myself so that that's smashing on the concrete so I don't have to fall the next time I climb up. It worked for a whole while until my parents found out since I had overdone it a bit and started keeping the sharpest objects away from me. I never really stopped thouth, they all just believe I did.
    That's the problem, they don't want to believe it and that means that it isn't true. They don't want to have problems like we have (are) so they don't exist.
    And as far as I know, there's noting we can do but talk to each other like this. We could make an online club and pledge ourselves to it and do everthing for it; it'd probably be awesome to have something like that to hang on to but it'd just be an illusion. Just another failure.
     
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