Every time i think about things, I feel myself lurching towards feeling like trying to end it all again. Sometimes I have good days when I only feel sad. Sometimes it's even better but mostly I feel like there's a big cloud on the horizon and my life will be crap and that's when I feel like trying again. It's gotten so far as making preperations but I don't quite go through with it. Each tme though it gets harder not to do it and then I feel like a git. Sometimes when i think of the future it chokes me up and I have to fight back the tears. I keep letting down the people who are left so I get to thinking that after i'm gone they wil be ok. IT's not as if I have anyone close enugh to discuss it wih (aside from on here) and that gets me down too. I hate being me.